new routines

The thought of decorating a house gives me hives.  The thought of leaving all the wallpaper gives me hives as well.  I thought I would dive in and see what I could do in an area we use the most - the kitchen table.  The rest can wait until November when reinforcements are coming.

Before:  (from the realtor listing)

totally blurry and with their furniture, but you get the point

After:

I did it all myself - including installing a light fixture.

I feel like I can relax now and start inviting some friends over to see the place.  The wall paper was only on the bottom half of the walls and came off super easy.  Plus I had help.

First child I was all, "let's read."  Third child is cheap labor.

I am thrilled to say that my buddy is on his way back to me.  He spends the morning in with kindergarten, eats lunch in the cafe and then afternoons with the preschoolers.  He isn't 5 yet, so he fits well into both classes.  He loves preschool and seems to be thriving there.  I did not have to drag a crying boy out to my car at all this week.  On Fridays he has a half day (no pm preschool).  My buddy actually put down the iPad to help me make muffins Friday afternoon.

My buddy is thrilled with the freedom of getting himself things from the kitchen.  We were on the back deck enjoying the muffins we made.  He let himself inside, got his milk and rara's milk and another muffin and came back out.  Just the fact that he didn't make a bit of mischief and thought to get something for someone else is huge.

That smile I love is back.

He is zooming super fast until he gets right to my feet and then throws the brakes on.

Big sis is in a stage of adjustment at the moment.  She still misses the old house and gets scared in the new house.  Her teacher is on a medical leave for a few weeks and while she likes the sub, she knows it's temporary and change isn't her strongest suit.  She has stepped up and now takes the bus home from school.  It makes us nervous trusting a stranger to drive our most precious cargo, but it had to be done at some point.  Rara and my buddy love waiting for the bus and get so excited when it comes down the street.

He totally photo bombed my picture of rara, but I love this picture even more.

I love spending my days with rara.  She follows me around everywhere.  We take a morning walk together.  It feels so good to be moving again and rara loves the horses and donkeys we walk by.  I've trained rara to hand me my towel when I get out of the shower - if she's going to be all up in my business, at least she can be helpful.  I couldn't ask for a cuter side kick.

We are all figuring out the new routines and so far it's a good fit. 

home

We have been in our new home for 12 days.  Things are starting to come together.  Boxes are mostly unpacked.  We are starting to settle.  While the past 2 months have been crazy it all seems so worth it right now.  I love our new town.  Every street is more picturesque than the one before and my neighborhood walk is calming and relaxing.

The school that my buddy and big sis are going to is wonderful.  We registered a week before school started.  I was really worried about getting his IEP in place.  The wording about a 1:1 para was not clear and they didn't have someone for him.  The kindergarten is half day, I really wanted him in a full day program.  We came to the open house where my buddy was on his worst behavior.  Four days later, on the first day of school, there is his para - all day, every day, all year long.

We had a PPT first day they had available.  They offered additional services - more OT and speech - and came up with a good solution to keep him in extended day.  The principal made sure big sis was settling in as well.  I get clear communication every day on his behavior, what things he did, if he ate, was changed and what special they had that day.  They set a schedule for his therapy and sent that home as well.  It's a dream come true.

Big sis still misses the old house but that doesn't surprise me.  I am loving the back deck.  There are gates built in, so I can just open the door and the kids can run around.  Aside from my buddy throwing his glasses over the railing, it's pretty kid friendly.

We found this house on the last day we were hunting before we gave up and looked for something to rent.  As soon as we walked in the door it just felt right.  It's a ranch with a finished basement that includes a bedroom, bath and living area.  We don't know what my buddy will want when he is an adult, but it is nice to know that we have a space for him to live without being on top of each other.

Coming from a 3 floor townhouse, can I just say NO STAIRS!!!  Since that in-law bedroom is so far removed from the rest of the house, it remains empty waiting for some grandparents to visit.  We are using the office space as our bedroom and it works.

Apparently bald men require lots of hats.

My buddy's behavior is slowly changing.  I am looking forward to exploring more... just as soon as I unpack the last of the boxes.

good and bad

The good news is we have found a house we like and it seems like it is going to work out.  I will be nervous until we sign the dotted line and they hand the keys over to us.  The bad news is the behavior problems are escalating.

Big sis has a complete crying breakdown at least once a day.  Sometimes its because she misses her home other times its over a toy that is packed in a box that is her FAVORITE and can't live another day without it.  Rara has always been weary of other people and spends a large portion of the day clinging to me or crying.  She slipped in the tub and split her tongue open.  Now when I try and give her a bath she starts screaming as soon as her toes touch the water.

The worst is my buddy.  Whatever we are all feeling, he feels it 10X worse.  There are times in each day where I think, it's not so bad.  My buddy will build a block tower with Papa or they will all play with their cousins.  We'll have a great swim in the pool.  Sometimes we'll play a nice quiet game in the camper while Rara naps.  Those are magical times where I appreciate this transition time.

Then there are those other times.  My buddy has developed this guttural scream.  Along with that horrendous noise is hitting, kicking, shoving, throwing and flailing about.  The worst of times he is doing all of the above at the same time.  But more often it's just a couple behaviors at a time.  I want to scream to anyone that will listen, "This is not him.  He may be a handful but not like this.  He has never been like this before."

I know that so much is out of his control right now.  My buddy doesn't have his own little space to be quiet and recharge himself.  Other than his clothes, cup and quilt - everything is different.  He's tired of being told "no" all day long.  I get it, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Enough of my pity party and lets enjoy some pictures of the happy times.

The inside of the camper.  I am getting used to the small space and find it cozy.

If the stars are aligned, the big kids will stay quiet and I can help this one sleep when she doesn't nap enough.

Discovering new parks and getting along with each other.

stay positive

I have been working really hard on not complaining too much - something that seems to come so naturally to me.  I am very lucky that I have a free place to stay with people who love my children.  I am missing some me time and just a little space to myself.  The kids are all a little off their game.  But we are all managing.  I decided to take some pictures of the good things about this transition time.


Time to get to know cousins better.

Their favorite toy.

The baby is laughing hysterically at big sis doing peekaboo while rara kisses her.

These two getting even closer.

As soon as Papa left, they stole his chair,

They share a bed and are always snuggled up to each other.

Lots of outings.

Fun with apples in the yard.  They have provided a lot of entertainment.  However, they sound like a bomb exploded when they hit the top of the RV in the middle of the night.

my buddy throws them with wild abandon

I love watching her stand and walk.  Not quite 100% walking but getting there.

Finding a quiet corner to vroom some trucks.

Just think of how amazing it will feel when we are finally in our own space.  Our space that our children will grow up in.

moving

We moved from NY 6 years ago with one little 2 month old baby.  We planned on being in our townhouse for a couple of years and then we could figure out where we really wanted to be.  Fast forward 6 years and 2 more kids.  It's fair to say we outgrew the place.  After over a year on the market, we finally sold.  It was time to pack... and house hunt.  The buyer wanted to close ASAP.

They really wanted to help.

With the help of some really great friends I was able to pack most of the house in a week.  I may have been a bit crabby to live with but we managed.

The kids were all really good sports.  My buddy fell asleep while peeking under the crack of his door every night.  Perhaps he was concerned we would forget him!  Sis was thrilled to have people to come over and play with her while Mommy packed.  It's funny how you make a change because you know it will be better for your kids in the long run yet they really are fine with the way things are.

When special needs enters your life, every choice is heightened.  We wanted a school system that we hope will be better for my buddy.  We want a yard with a fence around it to keep him safe.  We want a house that can grow with us and accommodate him well into adulthood, if he so chooses.

Anyway, the packing went well and thanks to more great friends and family, our life successfully fits into a box.

We had to go back the next day to finish the last of it.  I had no box that would fit my few rolls of cheap wrapping paper, so my buddy and sis had some great fun.  And I used it to wrap dishes.  Win win.

Since all this moving business happened so fast, we don't have a house yet.  My in-laws were gracious enough to let us stay in their RV.  It's not my ideal living situation, but it comes with cheap childcare and a pool.

And because little rara didn't want to be the only one who didn't learn to walk in that house, she pulled this one out just as we were heading out the door.

blink

It's my fault, really.  I did it.  I blinked.  Suddenly my little monkey bear went from this:

her very first baby doll... it was love at first sight

To this:

If only her cart were bigger she really could do all the shopping on her own.

She no longer likes being called monkey bear and, to me, it doesn't even fit her anymore.  Gone is the baby who used to laugh at all our silly monkey bear rhymes and songs.  In its place is this (mostly) mature kid who is anxious to help and craves more independence.

My mother-in-law really didn't believe that monkey bear could talk when she was little.  She refused to say anything in front of anyone because she was so shy.  We had friends her age that we used to see a few times a month at playgroup for 5 years and she still never spoke to them.  She went all of preschool only speaking to one little girl - and just one word answers.

She would never leave my side when others were around.  Now look at her:

she never even looked back once

Monkey bear said if I have to use a nickname - she prefers her real name - I can call her 'sis'.  There goes the name of my blog!  I will try it out because that girl of mine is worth it.  You never know how your kids will turn out.  You just try your best to instill what you can and then set them free into the world.  I am so proud of the person sis is becoming.  I feel even at the tender young age of 6, I get these glimpses of the adult she will be.

trying

We had a play date at our friends house this week. She has Down syndrome too.  I don't have many friends that I see on a regular basis who have kids like my buddy.  I was reminded of how nice it is not to have to apologize when he knocks her youngest down more than once. 

We got talking about how having a child with Down syndrome is more than just having a child who is slow to learn things.  There's the juxtaposition of abilities and disabilities.  For example my buddy knows all his alphabet letters and what sound they make yet he can't resist the urge to knock down little kids.  I have spent the last 4 years telling him at least 10 times a day not to throw his cup of milk (even showing him the proper way to place it on the table) and he still throws it yet he can kick my butt at Angry Birds. 

It is so refreshing to talk to a mom who really gets it.  I don't think I'll ever really understand how my buddy works, but I am going to keep on trying.

My 'summer of fun' may need to be changed to 'fun for the kids but Mommy may lose it at any point in time'.  But I'm still trying with that too. 

Spending all morning in our jammies.  I'm all over this one.

Playing at the mall.  All 3 kids went different directions. Need more eyes!

We took a hike.  My buddy kissed every dog that went by and shook every little tree.

They really had a good time.

We went to the beach, but brought Daddy for back up. 

I still don't know why my buddy loves having people come over, but wants them to leave after 10 minutes.  Or why he will melt down instead of just letting me know what he needs.  I do know that everything is always better after I pick him up and love on him for a while.