good but icy

We are in this upward swing right now which always makes me nervous. I'm afraid I'll go soft so when it all hits the fan, I won't be prepared. (and it always hits the fan eventually)

My buddy is in a good groove at home. I had a productive conversation with one of his teachers at school. He went to a friend's birthday party over the weekend and actually made it through the entire party with no major incidents. We've had some success using the potty. I'm sure my definition of good and easy are perhaps very different from yours, but where my buddy is concerned, anything short of 'I want to tear my hair out' is a good place to be.

All three kids have been playing happily together for longer periods of time. It's really amazing and I love to watch how they all interact with each other.




The girls had fun one morning with shadow puppets. That's one good thing about winter light - great shadows. Even though it's a shadow, I can see the love on rara's face as she looks up at her daddy.




Our backyard has become an ice rink just as the temperature finally climbed enough so we could play outside. The big kids loved it, but rara wasn't so sure.






While my buddy has been actively seeking out his sister's to play with, he also really loves some time alone to vroom trucks in the living room.



The other day we were going to the grocery store and big sis had both her baby doll and a rather large bag. I reminded her that whatever she carried into the grocery store, she had to carry the entire time. She replied, "I am training to be a Mommy and Mommies have to carry both their babies and big bags."

You know how they say that the third child has no pictures in their baby book. Well the opposite is true here. I cannot help but take picture after picture of this face. The other kids managed to avoid the Mamarazzi that I am now. It makes me a little sad to think about all the pictures I missed taking of them when they were 2.

personality

Half the school year has gone by and my buddy still has one teacher that doesn't quite get him. Her personality and the way she works clashes with his personality and he's been fighting her daily. So tomorrow I get to have an uncomfortable conversation with her where I very nicely suggest ways she could work differently with him. If that doesn't work then I get to have an even more uncomfortable conversation where I suggest she no longer work with my buddy and we switch teachers.

It's these little battles that unnerve me. I prefer pretending nothing is wrong and keep on keeping on. But I know that where my buddy is concerned that is just not an option. At home he's been good - actually playing more and demanding less iPad time. Of course he still plays rough with his sisters, but there's nothing I can do about that.




I did help school life out by getting a pair of high tops that my buddy can't get off and throw at a moments notice. He hates them and I hate that he can't independently get them on or off, but the school gently suggested that something needed to be done.



We decided it was time to get little rara a big girl bed. Step one is a new mattress and getting her off the futon mattress she's been sleeping on so long. I am looking forward to snuggling her back to sleep if she wakes in the night. And you can see she was super excited too!

a letter

To the Mother at the very crowded play area;

If you weren't sitting with your nose in the phone, you would have seen my son. Perhaps you would have noticed his almond eyes or his ears that sit low and stick out. I'm sure you would have seen him struggle.

You would have seen him waiting with all his might for his turn to climb the structure. You would have seen me right there with him, my hands placed on his chest reminding him that he has to wait. Maybe you would have shook your head while he shouted and banged on the floor a few times. I understood that he was shouting, "Me Please" and I was happy that he was hitting the floor and not the child.

You would have seen the glee on my son's face when it was finally his turn. As I released my hands, he climbed right up and joyfully sat at the top. You would have seen your daughter climb right up behind him, invading his personal space. You would have seen my son turn around and touch her face and say (rather loudly), "NO."

You would have watched your daughter gently scoot herself back off then flop to the floor like a silent movie star. After a moment where she realized that you were not paying any attention and merely laying on the floor wasn't enough, she started fake crying.

You would have seen her make a fuss while I looked around. Maybe you would have noticed the look on my face. I'm sure you wouldn't have understood the countless times I've had to apologize to people for my son's behavior. How places like the play area highlight my son's differences. How badly I want him to just be able to play with a large group of kids without the struggle. How I knew in my heart that he was not wrong this time. He reacted in the most perfect way possible for him - even if it did upset your daughter - I was proud of him.

If only you looked up from your phone, your daughter wouldn't have had to increase the volume of her complaints. When you finally noticed her and came to her side asking her what was wrong, my stomach tied into an instant knot.

Had you been watching your child instead of your phone, you would not have looked at me with disgust on your face and said, "How mean. Your son just pushed her off."

I understand the Mama Bear reaction. Really I do. Maybe this was your only chance to sit and do your own thing. I get it. But you just didn't have all the facts.

I tired to stay calm, but my heart was beating so hard and my ears were burning. I kindly explained to you that my son has Down syndrome and how your daughter was right in his face. I told you that he did touch her face but he did not push her nor did he hurt her. But I did not apologize.

I would have loved to stay for your response, but at that point my son was running off to the next fun adventure and my responsibility is to keep him and those around him safe.

I'm guessing you have forgotten what happened yesterday. You have no way to know that such a small interaction would sit so heavily in my gut, festering overnight.

The only thing I want from you is to look up once in a while. Notice the child who isn't behaving like all the others. Have some empathy. Chances are that child has something going on inside their little body that makes life really hard for them. Maybe even extend that empathy to their parent who have to help their child navigate a confusing and overwhelming world.

Just have some empathy. You never know what kind of struggles the other person is facing.

Sincerely,
The mom of this boy.

slump

The post holiday slump is here. The kids, while they love each other deeply, are getting on each other's nerves. The girls who almost always play perfectly together are fighting non-stop. As soon as my buddy enters their room, the shouting starts. I guess you can only tackle sisters and mess up their game so many times before you wear out your welcome. I'm feeling cooped up but outings are always a lot of work.

The good news is the weather has been unseasonably warm - allowing some fun outside play. And we have lots of new toys to entertain ourselves with.

I signed my buddy up for a private occupational therapist to help with sensory issues. After going only twice, I've cancelled it. My reasons are extensive but it simply was just not a good fit. I'm thinking I can do some research on my own and come up with a sensory diet I can do at home.

So here are the things we've been enjoying this week:


Still trying to potty train, but I love the droopy diaper and big sis' socks combo. It's like flashdance.


Sweet moments between sisters.



Fresh air that always improves moods.





Even with the new iPad, he can still find joy in blocks and books.




Just 5 more days before Mommy gets a little break and the big kids go back to school, but who's counting?!

holidays

Holidays have a way of making me feel both content and mediocre. I love the tradition of chopping down a tree and listening to carols while taking a drive in our jammies looking at Christmas lights. Decorating the house and baking cookies, however, are not my strong suit. No special trips to NYC. No themed parties. And no Elf.

The weather has been rainy and Grinchy. We've done our best to make life festive by jumping on the beds and plugging in the Christmas lights all day long.

I also stress about the little things - like my buddy's behavior at all the holiday parties. We never get a chance to sit down and socialize when we go places. 

The good news is that the kids are still little enough that Christmas morning should be magical. But more importantly, we have a full week to spend together as a family. Lots of snuggling together. And a slew of new toys to help keep the boredom at bay. 

Have a Merry Christmas!!

miscellaneous

I haven't been in the mood to write lately. I had a whole post in my mind about some little things that were getting me down about my buddy, but they seemed so little. I didn't feel like I had anything significant to say. I blame the weather.




We did manage to get outside and brave the cold over the weekend.



Little rara and I like to hole up in the house as much as possible. I feel like lately there are more and more things to do - tis the season. I may not love having to care for a dog, but I do love their relationship.



I miss seeing his face without glasses. His new sports frames seem to be working out well, but they hide so much of that face which I love.




Big sis could sit in any number of comfy chairs in the house to read, but she would rather be on the hard kitchen floor because it is next to me while I cook dinner.

I've faithfully been taking photos every day. I am up to 67 days of my 365 day project. With the lack of sunshine to light up inspirational photos, I've been forced to get creative with Christmas tree lights and use myself as an uncomfortable model.

missing

When Daddy travels for work, we all feel it. I have this anxiety about keeping 3 kids alive all night long. You would think it's harder during the day, but for me it's the nights. The kids are all clingier. They each have their way of showing how they miss him, even though no one actually says it. Big sis hangs out close to me instead of going off to play on her own. My buddy constantly asks me for hugs and he'll just grab my arm and wrap it around himself.

But little rara feels it the most. She cries at every nap and bedtime. Which is funny because during the week, Daddy isn't here for naps or bedtime. But somewhere in that little subconscious of hers, she knows that he is travelling. At night when she wakes, the only place she wants to be is in my bed. She is glued to my side all day long constantly wanting to have her hand on my skin, touching me to make sure I am still here. Every show that rara watches, she will say, "This makes me too sad. Turn it off."

So I put off washing dishes until they are asleep so I can snuggle them up on the couch, pulling them in close, giving them as much of me as I can to help them make it through the night. And then I think about poor Daddy all alone in the hotel room with no one to climb into his lap giving him the love he needs. I am grateful that they love their Daddy so much that it hurts when he is gone and I am grateful that he always comes home again.