good and bad

The good news is we have found a house we like and it seems like it is going to work out.  I will be nervous until we sign the dotted line and they hand the keys over to us.  The bad news is the behavior problems are escalating.

Big sis has a complete crying breakdown at least once a day.  Sometimes its because she misses her home other times its over a toy that is packed in a box that is her FAVORITE and can't live another day without it.  Rara has always been weary of other people and spends a large portion of the day clinging to me or crying.  She slipped in the tub and split her tongue open.  Now when I try and give her a bath she starts screaming as soon as her toes touch the water.

The worst is my buddy.  Whatever we are all feeling, he feels it 10X worse.  There are times in each day where I think, it's not so bad.  My buddy will build a block tower with Papa or they will all play with their cousins.  We'll have a great swim in the pool.  Sometimes we'll play a nice quiet game in the camper while Rara naps.  Those are magical times where I appreciate this transition time.

Then there are those other times.  My buddy has developed this guttural scream.  Along with that horrendous noise is hitting, kicking, shoving, throwing and flailing about.  The worst of times he is doing all of the above at the same time.  But more often it's just a couple behaviors at a time.  I want to scream to anyone that will listen, "This is not him.  He may be a handful but not like this.  He has never been like this before."

I know that so much is out of his control right now.  My buddy doesn't have his own little space to be quiet and recharge himself.  Other than his clothes, cup and quilt - everything is different.  He's tired of being told "no" all day long.  I get it, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Enough of my pity party and lets enjoy some pictures of the happy times.

The inside of the camper.  I am getting used to the small space and find it cozy.

If the stars are aligned, the big kids will stay quiet and I can help this one sleep when she doesn't nap enough.

Discovering new parks and getting along with each other.

stay positive

I have been working really hard on not complaining too much - something that seems to come so naturally to me.  I am very lucky that I have a free place to stay with people who love my children.  I am missing some me time and just a little space to myself.  The kids are all a little off their game.  But we are all managing.  I decided to take some pictures of the good things about this transition time.


Time to get to know cousins better.

Their favorite toy.

The baby is laughing hysterically at big sis doing peekaboo while rara kisses her.

These two getting even closer.

As soon as Papa left, they stole his chair,

They share a bed and are always snuggled up to each other.

Lots of outings.

Fun with apples in the yard.  They have provided a lot of entertainment.  However, they sound like a bomb exploded when they hit the top of the RV in the middle of the night.

my buddy throws them with wild abandon

I love watching her stand and walk.  Not quite 100% walking but getting there.

Finding a quiet corner to vroom some trucks.

Just think of how amazing it will feel when we are finally in our own space.  Our space that our children will grow up in.

moving

We moved from NY 6 years ago with one little 2 month old baby.  We planned on being in our townhouse for a couple of years and then we could figure out where we really wanted to be.  Fast forward 6 years and 2 more kids.  It's fair to say we outgrew the place.  After over a year on the market, we finally sold.  It was time to pack... and house hunt.  The buyer wanted to close ASAP.

They really wanted to help.

With the help of some really great friends I was able to pack most of the house in a week.  I may have been a bit crabby to live with but we managed.

The kids were all really good sports.  My buddy fell asleep while peeking under the crack of his door every night.  Perhaps he was concerned we would forget him!  Sis was thrilled to have people to come over and play with her while Mommy packed.  It's funny how you make a change because you know it will be better for your kids in the long run yet they really are fine with the way things are.

When special needs enters your life, every choice is heightened.  We wanted a school system that we hope will be better for my buddy.  We want a yard with a fence around it to keep him safe.  We want a house that can grow with us and accommodate him well into adulthood, if he so chooses.

Anyway, the packing went well and thanks to more great friends and family, our life successfully fits into a box.

We had to go back the next day to finish the last of it.  I had no box that would fit my few rolls of cheap wrapping paper, so my buddy and sis had some great fun.  And I used it to wrap dishes.  Win win.

Since all this moving business happened so fast, we don't have a house yet.  My in-laws were gracious enough to let us stay in their RV.  It's not my ideal living situation, but it comes with cheap childcare and a pool.

And because little rara didn't want to be the only one who didn't learn to walk in that house, she pulled this one out just as we were heading out the door.

blink

It's my fault, really.  I did it.  I blinked.  Suddenly my little monkey bear went from this:

her very first baby doll... it was love at first sight

To this:

If only her cart were bigger she really could do all the shopping on her own.

She no longer likes being called monkey bear and, to me, it doesn't even fit her anymore.  Gone is the baby who used to laugh at all our silly monkey bear rhymes and songs.  In its place is this (mostly) mature kid who is anxious to help and craves more independence.

My mother-in-law really didn't believe that monkey bear could talk when she was little.  She refused to say anything in front of anyone because she was so shy.  We had friends her age that we used to see a few times a month at playgroup for 5 years and she still never spoke to them.  She went all of preschool only speaking to one little girl - and just one word answers.

She would never leave my side when others were around.  Now look at her:

she never even looked back once

Monkey bear said if I have to use a nickname - she prefers her real name - I can call her 'sis'.  There goes the name of my blog!  I will try it out because that girl of mine is worth it.  You never know how your kids will turn out.  You just try your best to instill what you can and then set them free into the world.  I am so proud of the person sis is becoming.  I feel even at the tender young age of 6, I get these glimpses of the adult she will be.

trying

We had a play date at our friends house this week. She has Down syndrome too.  I don't have many friends that I see on a regular basis who have kids like my buddy.  I was reminded of how nice it is not to have to apologize when he knocks her youngest down more than once. 

We got talking about how having a child with Down syndrome is more than just having a child who is slow to learn things.  There's the juxtaposition of abilities and disabilities.  For example my buddy knows all his alphabet letters and what sound they make yet he can't resist the urge to knock down little kids.  I have spent the last 4 years telling him at least 10 times a day not to throw his cup of milk (even showing him the proper way to place it on the table) and he still throws it yet he can kick my butt at Angry Birds. 

It is so refreshing to talk to a mom who really gets it.  I don't think I'll ever really understand how my buddy works, but I am going to keep on trying.

My 'summer of fun' may need to be changed to 'fun for the kids but Mommy may lose it at any point in time'.  But I'm still trying with that too. 

Spending all morning in our jammies.  I'm all over this one.

Playing at the mall.  All 3 kids went different directions. Need more eyes!

We took a hike.  My buddy kissed every dog that went by and shook every little tree.

They really had a good time.

We went to the beach, but brought Daddy for back up. 

I still don't know why my buddy loves having people come over, but wants them to leave after 10 minutes.  Or why he will melt down instead of just letting me know what he needs.  I do know that everything is always better after I pick him up and love on him for a while.

growing

The kids had their last day of school.  (Deep breath.  You can make it through the summer.)  As I took some photos to compare to the first day of school, I was floored at how much they have grown.

Here's the First Day of School:

My buddy wasn't going to school until the afternoon but wanted to wear his sister's backpack anyway.

 Monkey bear was so scared and excited.  Rara was so little.  My buddy still had some baby chub.  Fast forward 180 school days (that's about 500 times I drove to Snow school!).

I really want to have a summer of fun.  I decided to throw caution to the wind and cancelled my buddy's speech therapy for the summer.  He's only made a tiny bit of progress in the last year but more importantly, he hates going.  He refuses to work - only doing maybe 10 minutes of actual work.  He comes out like a bear - throwing things, pushing kids, kicking me.  The usual exit is rara under one arm and a flailing my buddy under the other arm.  It's not fun for any of us.

I will work with him and he will get a few weeks of summer school with speech therapy and then before I know it, it will be the fall.  My buddy will be in full day kindergarten with speech therapy every day.  Hopefully he will start the year fresh and ready to work.

I am still trying to figure out where I can take the kids myself and keep them all safe and happy.  I'm sure we will have some adventures.  I do know that wherever we go, this one will be all smiles:

birthdays

This weekend we had a family birthday party for monkey bear and rara.  I love that monkey bear was excited to share her special day with her little sister.  I think she likes not having all the attention on her.  Monkey bear declared that since rara is now 1, she is no longer her baby sister and now just a sister. 

This one opted for her fanciest party dress and pearls.

Monkey bear is getting so big.  My shy little one is slowly coming out of her shell.  She was so nervous going in to Kindergarten.  She started by only talking to a couple little girls and now she shouts greetings to her classmates.  Monkey bear had a speaking part in the Kindergarten play.  She spoke her lines loudly and proudly (even though after she said she liked doing the play better when no one was watching).  She stepped up to the challenge of Kindergarten and kicked its a**.  I couldn't be more proud.

Little rara decided to take her first steps the day of her birthday party.  She is still a ways away from walking, but soon enough she will be a Toddler and no longer a Baby.

cup cake was a big hit

My buddy did a good job at the party.  He actually sat down and played ball with his cousins and took turns.  He lost his mind a little when he was helping the girls open presents.  In the end, he had enough but instead of a complete meltdown, he took himself into a corner with his trucks, turned his back to the party and quietly vroomed.

I didn't get a video of singing Happy birthday and my only candle blowing out photo is blurry but it was a great day... if only they would stop growing so fast.