September 5, 2009

does that reallly exist?

Today we had an appointment with the ENT for my buddy. We are so lucky that he hasn’t had any major health issues, yet still I find myself always at another doctor’s appointment. My buddy had some major fluid in is ears that was effecting his hearing. The fluid has subsided a lot and his hearing is almost back to normal. That leaves us with multiple visits to the ENT and audiologist.

Some days I find myself feeling bitter about Down syndrome. I love my buddy with every bit of my heart. I try and tell myself that Ds is a huge part of who he is and he wouldn’t be the same without that extra chromosome. But deep down, I don’t really believe myself and wish he didn’t have it.

I’ve been searching for books that explain what life is like for a mom with a child with Ds, but nothing has satisfied me. Perhaps 10 months isn’t long enough to get over the loss of who I thought he would be. I want to be that mom who inspires others and is happy that her child has Ds…. but does that really exist??

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