worse

When my buddy was born, I thought the worst words I would hear were, "We think your son had Down syndrome."  Boy was I wrong.  The day came when we were to be discharged.  My buddy was taken into the Special Needs Nursery because his color was off and his temp was low.  Here I was ready to bring my baby home and there he was with tubes up his nose and monitors connected to all parts of him.

I had to bring home an empty car seat and a hospital issued breast pump.  I was so torn.  Monkey bear was only 15 months old and needed me at home yet my newborn was still in the hospital.  I spent the next two weeks pumping every 3 hours, caring for monkey bear and, with the help of my mom, traveling back and forth to the hospital.

All I had to do was step into the lobby and the tears would start.  I carted my little cooler of breast milk with me and snuggled him as much as possible with all those monitors and wires coming out every direction.  The only thing he required was the tiniest bit of oxygen.  Every time they would try to turn it down, my heart would soar as his numbers stayed up.  Then the crash as his numbers would slowly creep down and the oxygen was turned on again.

They finally decided there was nothing more they could do for him and had him transferred to CCMC.  I watched them load my buddy into the incubator and onto an ambulance.  The good news about being at CCMC was he finally had his echocardiogram and we knew for sure that his heart was healthy.  The air is also magical there because after one day, his oxygen was off and he was ready to come home.

Halloween was the day we brought him home and my heart finally began to heal.  I will never forget how wonderful it was to have both my kids in my arms at the same time.