Things I currently feel guilty about (in no particular order):
* My buddy has never helped me cook... he's not even allowed in the kitchen.
* Monkey bear can only do art projects when my buddy is asleep.
* My buddy is constantly being strapped into something. I have a 7 minute window of patience chasing him around a store.
* Monkey bear has to leave whenever my buddy (or I) have reached our limit even if she isn't ready to go.
* My buddy has never painted or used markers and rarely is allowed to color with crayons.
* Monkey bear always has to wear her shoes even though my buddy's shoes have a permanent spot in the diaper bag.
* My buddy will try and "tell" me something and I have no idea what he is trying to say.
Ya know, it's kind of interesting Elena because I can relate to alot of what you wrote simply because I have four children at totally different developmental stages. Hope has had to be incovienced the most by that because she has always had a younger sibiling since she was 20 months old (and she is almost 6) and that sibilings schedule took priority overs hers. I feel guilt about it at times because I know she is aware of it and I feel bad, but then I also realize that this is part of being in a family and that is the family she is in and that is one negative about having younger siblings who are not developmentally capable of the things she is. I've been juggling the "nap" situation (scheduling life around the needed nap) for years now. The same with activities. We can only play games when all the kids are in bed (Faith gets too distracted and makes playing games with her is a nightmare). If we do it when Luke and Nathan are awake they want to touch everything and be part of it and that also becomes a fighting match. So, puzzles, games and so forth are only done after 7pm (when I am really tired and don't want to play anymore). There are also a lot of things I simply cannot do because I have four to tote and with two of them not talking and being 2 and 11 months I have to turn down a lot of things that I see my friends do (and it was the same when I had Faith and Luke being the youngest). It's been really really hard and disappointing for me. I always dreamed, before I had kids that when I had them I would do all these things...go to the park, take walks, go to places and I really can't do any of that by myself, let alone when Tom is with me. If one starts to have a problem, it can totally disrupt everything because with the two of us one parent is dealing with that kid, which leaves 3 with the other parent and for some reason there always seems to be a kid having some issue and a second kid decides to piggy back on it. I absolutely can't stand driving with the four of them. Hope and Faith are currently in the "she looked at me the wrong way" phase. I guess my point is that with my four, at the ages they are at and the personalities that they have (very independent and some having a strong will), most of the time it's about controled chaos and continual intervention, redirection and reframing with few personal experiences for me that are the way I thought it would be. A lot of that has to do with the fact that the kids are so close in age (5, just 4, 2 1/2 and then 11months.) I often dream of a time when they can all communicate and will be able to be a place developmentally where we can actually go for a walk or go out to eat or a park or somewhere that I don't have to have more than one adult present and all the kids can stay where they are supposed to stay without having some strapped in a stroller or backpack (which then causes whining, crying and having to leave sooner than later--usually too soon). oh, and no fighting. There always seems to be one trying to get the upper hand on another one. I know my youngest ones will eventually grow and be capable developmentally to do that at some point, but honestly, that won't be for another 3 to 4 years which will mean that Hope will be 10 and Faith will be 9 it would have been the 8 years and 7 years for them respectively that they were "waiting" on their brothers to grow up so we could do "normal" things, and that is something that the girls wil have had to deal with that that the boys won't have to. I don't know how that will be in comparison to how it will be for Corrigan and William because I know with William having Down syndrome the timeline on his development will be different but I just wanted you to know that I empathize. I love having four kids and I wouldn't change any of them but I'm constantly having to readjust to how "this is not what I expected" and "I'm sorry girls but we can't do that".
ReplyDeleteI empathize with you especially when your children are so close in age. Mine are about twelve years apart. My son, the energizer bunny, really keeps me on my toes and my daughter, the turtle, makes me want to pull out all of my hair. Although my son has Down syndrome, I have not put any limits on what he can or can not do. He loves being in the kitchen while I'm cooking (makes it really hard) but I let him play with pots & pans as long as he is far away from the stove. He also likes to imitate everything...from being on the computer, to jumping off the couch, to reading a book, to rolling on the floor (break dancing), to tumbling on his head, to drawing (on paper as well as on the walls), to dancing, to singing and putting on make-up (his sister's passion). I'm just happy to see that he has interests in all activities & that he is capable of doing everything that we are doing...it may get a bit messy at times but I'm glad that he will try anything & his is learning. Don't feel guilty ~ just let it happen...don't limit your children from being involved ...who knows, they may enjoy having to share their time & activities together and you'll be amazed with how much they'll learn & grow. Good-luck!
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