February 24, 2011

random thoughts

While I am too sleep deprived to do any deep thinking or put together long ideas, I do have a few questions and thoughts that have gone unanswered.  My first being - who would have thought that almost 4 years into motherhood and I am still so tired.  Why is it that I cannot get more than 2 consecutive nights of sleep?  I have had this eye twitch for about 3 weeks now and I am going to have to take drastic measures soon.

What did my husband do to this keyboard in law school that makes it so you have to pound on the 'k' key?

Why do they poop as soon as you put a fresh diaper on?

How can I dream of being away from my kids and having a minute to myself and when I finally get away for a minute, I don't know what to do with myself?  Didn't I used to have a life and spend all sorts of time alone? 

Is it really possible when my buddy goes to preschool in the fall that he won't jump from table tops, dump every container he can get his hands on, and eat random things?  Is school really my buddy-proof? 

How come Daddy can't straighten the covers and wake up with monkey bear in the morning?  Why does she demand only me?

What is it about escaping that is so intriguing to my buddy?  Isn't the room full of toys and kids enough for him?

How can my buddy claw your eyeball out when he has only a tiny sliver of white on his fingernails?

Will the I-look-4-months-pregnant belly flab ever go away or will I always have to tuck it into my pants?  Is there really any way to lose weight without being hungry?  Why oh why did I waste my teenage years hating my cellulite-free body?  I should have been walking around in a bikini showing that thang off.

What will life be like when both kids are in school?  How will I define myself when Mommy is no longer the center of their life?

February 16, 2011


There is the taste of freedom in my mouth.  It's dawned upon me lately that I no longer have a baby hanging off various body parts, spitting up on any clean shirt I put on and making hours disappear with every diaper change and feeding.  I can leave the kids with Daddy without worry or hesitation.  I am stumbling out of the haze and into the light. 

I may be drunk with the freedom.  I've found myself curling my hair, applying nail polish and reading novel after novel.  I suddenly have free time.  Muffins have been baked and Hallmark TV movies have been watched.

My buddy is still a handful - don't get me wrong.  But I can sit him down with a cup of milk and a bowl of crackers and he can feed himself while I enjoy a cup of tea.  I napped on the couch while monkey bear decorated Valentine's.  Next thing you know I'll spend all day eating Bonbons. 

Having two miscarriages was devastating, but maybe this is how my life and my family were meant to be.

February 2, 2011


My buddy loves to dance.  He has different dances he does to different songs.  One personal favorite is the Diaper Dance (performed to Baby Signing Time).  There is an abundance of butt in and out and all around.  Monkey bear is into music from an old kids show - Hi 5.  They have a song called 'Robot #1'.  I do a mean robot dance (this is funny enough on its own considering I cut my head open on the chair rail picking food up off the ground just today).  My buddy has his own version of the robot.  Hysterical!

Monkey bear's dancing usually involves lots of spinning around and sticking her leg out.  It's the same no matter what song is on.  And it's never in time to the music.  I think my dreams of living the life of a professional dancer through her is out.

One of my favorite qualities of my buddy is you can see every thought and feeling all over his face.  He is truly present in every moment.  Something I think most of us could use a little more of.  When my buddy hears a song that is in need of some tail shaking, he drops the toy he's playing with and dances with wild abandon.  The pure joy on his face is infectious.