August 27, 2014


There is a very good possibility that I did a happy dance and sang a little diddy after I dropped the kids off at school this morning. We started the summer off strong - reading every day, fun outings, organized games, lots of outdoors time, etc. We ended the summer with a lot more TV and "I'm bored" and I just couldn't take another outing chasing and redirecting - never knowing if I was going to regret leaving the house.

I had my fill of playing pretend, pushing swings, scraping Play Doh of the table, breaking up fight after fight, puzzles, hide and go seek and the endless toys covering every available space. I love all the time we get to spend together, but I also appreciate the calm quiet that descends with just one little girl at home.

I was feeling bummed that my buddy was going to kindergarten again. I am 100% positive that it is where he needs to be and his year will be better than last. It was a lot of here there and everywhere with him in half day kindergarten and preK. Really it's just me. I love the excitement of, "Oh my big girl is a second grader this year" and I couldn't have that with my buddy.

After I thought about it some more, I realized that a lot of fears are gone with my buddy in kindergarten again. I know how he will behave and what he will learn and how the other kids will react to him. It's a perfect mini step forward and I think he will have a great year. (when he hasn't thrown himself down on the ground in protest)

As for me. I will clean the house without a tornado following behind me messing it up again. I will sit down while little rara naps and drink an entire cup of tea while it is still hot. I will say a little thanks to teachers everywhere and my husband who works so hard so I can be home.

August 22, 2014


We survived a 3 day vacation to Maine. I use the term vacation loosely. Eating out in restaurants went better than expected. Sleeping through the night was much worse than expected. A 2 year old and car seat covered in puke ended the trip early by half a day. Our one full day there was rainy and cold, of course. The car ride was too long for 4 of us. But the last day was so beautiful. I wish I cold have spent more time taking pictures. Here are some shots I managed to get in.

I've been laying low since we came home. Appreciating our routine. Anticipating the changes that will happen once school starts again. Every time I clean something or somewhere, the kids are drawn to it like magnets. But watching them all play together is worth the mess they make.

My focus once the big kids are back in school is to start training this goofus. I was hoping she would be this perfectly behaved dog all on her own. Clearly that is not going to happen. I'm researching my options and deciding if I like consequences for bad behavior or rewards for good behavior or both. As much as I don't want to train her and she generally makes me insane, I know that once she is trained properly she will be easier to live with.

August 4, 2014


Sometimes you hear something and it just sits so heavy on your heart. There is an Australian couple who were so desperate for a child that they hired a surrogate. The news that she was carrying twins was joyous. Then the news came that one of the twins had Down syndrome. The couple asked the surrogate to abort one twin which would risk the life of the other. Ultimately, the surrogate refused and the Australian couple only took the 'typical' twin home with them abandoning the baby with Down syndrome.

Is having a child like mine such a horrific thing that you would risk your chance of having any children? Will my buddy ever really be accepted in society?

I worry all the time about my buddy being teased and bullied. I hate that big sis is now two grades above him instead of one. She was supposed to be his protector. I worry that my buddy will never be able to talk and I will never get inside his head. I want to know what he is thinking and feeling.

Land Shark

Sometimes I think about my buddy having to sleep with the CPAP machine his whole life. How will he ever go on a sleepover? Would he even get invited on a sleepover? Will my buddy be more interested in making friends as he gets older or will his sisters be his only true friends?

But I want most of all is for people to know that my buddy is perfect. Life might be easier if he were different, but easier isn't better. I don't want anyone's pitying glances when he is melting down in public. Every day I whisper in his ear, "You are perfect just the way you are." And I mean it with my whole heart - chocolate face and all.

August 1, 2014


I have been defeated. My buddy was doing so well on the potty in the beginning. I worked so hard to make every trip to the potty like a party. He was fooled for a while. We blew bubbles, read books, ate chocolate, got new cars and did many happy potty dances. As the days passed and he realized that he had to use the potty all day every day, he decided he was over it.

I pulled out the big guns and took Angry Birds off the iPad and put it on my phone. The only way he was going to get to play his most favorite game of all time was to use the potty. Still he refused. I could (sometimes) drag him to the bathroom and plop him on the potty, but I couldn't make him go. He even went a whole day without using the iPad at all (unheard of) because he just refused to go.

So I have waved the white flag. But I will think fondly of those 3 1/2 times he pooped on the potty and I was spared a few disgusting diapers. We'll still continue to use the potty a couple of times a day and encourage him, but I'm done with the battle.

I love the fake smile that completely erases his eyes.

We met some friends at the lake yesterday. It was fun and the kids had a blast but my buddy drank so much lake water. He only knows how to be wild. He has no other gear. I have to force him out of the water to dig in the dirt for a while just to give his body a break.

So last night, after a couple of hours of lake water ingestion, he woke up several times crying. Somewhere around midnight, I finally took his CPAP mask off and I was sitting on his bed rubbing his back while he tossed and turned and moaned. I grabbed my phone and did a little google search for "can you get sick from lake water". What a bad idea that was.

It's always hard with my buddy. He cannot say what hurts or why he is awake. It's all just a guessing game. But we survived the night and he seemed fine today (aside from being really tired and crabby).