July 19, 2012

growing pains

Every time there is a new addition to your family there are sure to be some growing pains.  Rara has added so much to this family and I can't wait to see who she will be.  But for now, I am sucked into the black hole of caring for a newborn.  I am still amazed at how long it can take to just feed, diaper, and make one little being happy. 

Monkey bear continues to be a huge help.  No one can get a bigger smile out of rara than her big sister.  At the same time, monkey bear pleads with me to play with her.  I feel so bad about the lack of attention she is getting.  It can be so hard to leave the sink full of dishes and use that rare moment of no one needing me to sit down, play and just focus on her.

The bulk of the Mommy Guilt lies with my buddy.  He loves rara with all of his huge heart but he is not baby safe.  He cannot be near her without you being right there. I hate that I constantly have to push him away from the baby and he doesn't get to love on her the way he wants.  My buddy has been asking me lately for more hugs than usual.  I know he is feeling neglected as well.

Then there is rara.  She never gets to be free on the floor to explore the world because my buddy is out and about.  Rara is always locked in the kitchen or in my arms.  She gets left to cry more than I would like and gets dumped on the floor when I need to address my buddy's dangerous behavior.

There are moments each day where I feel like everything is falling into place and I've got the hang of it, but there are way more moments where I feel like nothing is going right and I just want to go to bed.  Luckily I have been here before and I know that it does get easier.  One day the toilets will be clean and the sink won't be full of dishes and I won't be begging a baby just to go to sleep.

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