January 23, 2015

he wins

It's a good thing I'm not a competitive person because my buddy wins. Even when you think you've won, really you haven't. For example, I've been wanting for years to get my buddy to drink water instead of milk. I toy with the idea of going cold turkey on him and suffering the days of pain and misery until he gives in. The other day, I sent him to school with water in his cup for snack time. When I picked him up, they said he didn't eat any of his snack and barely any lunch. All he wanted to do at lunch was drink (the cup of milk). I was so worried that he was coming down with something. Then at dinner he ate a 12 course meal lasting 90 minutes. It was a hunger strike protesting the water in a cup that clearly should have held milk.

Point: my buddy

There are times when you just want my buddy to do what you ask of him but he has decided that he doesn't care to. The natural instinct is to push him and insist that you "listen to me young man" because "I'm the mom and I said so" or maybe "we are running late and this needs to get done". As hard as I push, he pushes back twice as hard. He becomes agitated you become angry. Eventually you can get the outcome that you were looking for, but it comes at such a high price. Winning that feels like losing.

I falsely think I've won the battle of the CPAP machine. But the reality is that my buddy still has a leg up on me because 3-5 times a night he pulls the mask off - waking me up so I head into his room to put it back on him. He gets to see me several times a night and I get to be exhausted. Barely winning. Although his nightly ritual of running into his bed, pulling the covers up and snoring loudly is hysterical. I can imagine him teasing me with a sing-songy, "I'm sleeping. You can't possibly put my mask on when I am asleep." The mask is fun to play with in the daytime when you are supposed to be getting dressed.

My buddy is in a good place now. We've had success on the potty, no struggles with the morning routine and he's had a great week at school. All these things feel like winning, but it's just because my buddy was ready to have some good days. As every special needs mom knows, when things are smooth sailing, it's time to add some bumps to the road. (I may have mixed my metaphors.) Time to push the bar higher - just by little bits. Have him read 3 books instead of 2. Add another potty time to the day. Slip in the fluoride at the end of the day. Push him to clean up more. It's a careful balancing act to keep the harmony without letting him get lazy. I feel like it's important to always expect more yet be on the lookout that you've asked too much.

He even asked to paint one day when he normally would have asked to play the iPad. Now that really feels like winning.

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