help

I'm not good at asking for help. I have no idea why. I love helping other people and I've never once thought less of someone because they needed help. Yet I find myself only asking for help in the most extreme circumstances... like last week.

Just as we pulled into the parking space at school, big sis (in a panicked tone) let me know that rara was throwing up. I grabbed my travel cup and tore around the car dumping the contents on the way. Once things had calmed down, I surveyed my surroundings. I was standing in an ankle deep puddle of ice water. Big sis had crawled through the front seat and out of the car as fast as possible (she gets that from me) and was standing on the sidewalk in 10 degree weather. Rara was a mess. Then there was my buddy. Sitting very patiently waiting for me to get him out of his seat. Unfortunately, my buddy can't handle walking safely into school and to his classroom on his own. I was in a pickle and needed help. I decided to abandon rara in the car (for less than a minute and I could see her the whole time) and walk the kids to the principal, who stands out front. After a quick explanation, he was more than happy to help.

On a normal day, I believe I can do it all ... and for the most part I do. But wouldn't it be nice not to have to spread myself so thin? Hire a babysitter and get a pedicure. See a movie. Browse the bookstore. Logically I know the kids and I would both benefit. So, really, what's my problem?

I know my buddy isn't easy and not just anyone can keep him safe and happy. The kids are my life. If I had a job, I wouldn't ask for help to do it properly, so why should I ask for help with my kids?

But what it really comes down to is asking for help gives me a headache. The stress of asking someone to lend me a hand is worse than just doing everything myself. You can't fight the introvert that lurks inside of you.

I find plenty of time to do things for myself... just with kids around. So I'll continue my hermit ways... at least until Saturday when the husband is dragging me out of the house for the day. Then I'll happily burrow back into my home surrounded by my family.