adjustments

This hasn't been the best time for my buddy and therefore for me. After an incident at school where he lost his marbles and ended up hitting and kicking his Special Ed teacher and demolishing the kitchen center, I've talked to a few of his teachers and have learned that the past two weeks haven't been that great for my buddy. He won't participate in group activities - he doesn't even want to sit at the table with the other kids doing morning work. He chooses to work at a separate table by himself. He's more aggressive than he was last year. And on and on.

I know that change and transition is very difficult for my buddy. I understand that for him, school is a place where he has to follow rules and do what others expect of him for 7 hours. I love that my buddy is who he is regardless of the setting or who is around. Of course, that means he'll throw a fit at school and refuse to listen to his teachers. School is stepping it up - mapping out his hard times of day and trying to see a pattern, hiring a behaviorist that specializes in Down syndrome, looking into a sensory diet and brainstorming with me on ways to help him.

For me, what it comes down to is just another slap in the face of how I don't understand him. I can't even begin to understand how he feels when he is at school. Obviously, he isn't thrilled. It also brings up the second guessing - if only I did x,y and z at home then he would be better at school. What kind of parent has a child who pushes other children and hits teachers?

I also started watching a show called The Specials which follows a group of intellectually disabled young adults. While the show is great and it helps me envision what my buddy might be like as he grows, it also reinforces the feeling that I will never really understand him. How can I begin to relate to what his life will be like or how he will think and feel when it is so foreign to me? I find myself feeling sad - I didn't choose this and the hard parts are just so hard. Fortunately, these feelings always pass. My buddy will adjust. Life will go on.