tired

When the husband travels, I dread the nights. I am used to being alone during the days as he works tirelessly and usually doesn't make it home before bedtime. But those nights are so long. When we had a third child, we made a deal that he had to get up with my buddy until the baby slept through the night. Here we are 2 years later and the baby is still not sleeping through the night.

I often complain about being tired. But tired doesn't really come close to how I actually feel. I used to go to bed early because I couldn't possibly function on less than 8 hours of sleep. Now I go to bed early because keeping my eyes open another minute is physically impossible. Here's how a typical night goes when the kids are healthy.

9:30pm   Head to bed with hopes of a few solid hours before getting woken up

10:45      Hear my buddy wrestling around in his bed - check on him. His head is pressed into the bed rail and his body is tangled in his CPAP tubing. Drag 50 pounds of dead weight back to center of bed while untwining tubing and limbs.

10:55    Head back to bed. Lay awake for a while wondering if my buddy will settle down or if I will have to go back in there.

12:15am Stumble out of bed responding to rara calling and crying. Lay down next to her on her futon mattress on the floor. Get alternately snuggled and shoved until she finally falls into a deep sleep.

12:50   Roll out of rara's bed trying to stand straight. Slip into bed marveling at how comfortable it is. Beg the sleep gods for just 2 hours in a row.

2:00    Spend 5 minutes trying to find glasses while my buddy moans. Find him, once again, tangled in tubing and sprawled upside down in the bed with his head as far as it can go and still have his mask on.  Reposition him and straighten out tubing.

2:10   Back into my bed. Offer to sacrifice a child, any child, if only they would all just sleep until 6am.

3:30  Rara scares the crap out of me as she shuffles into my room, half awake and cries, "Mama." Carry her back to her bed. Lay on that god awful mattress while she moans and tosses and turns. Pass out.

4:15   Wake with a start and realize I can't move my arm and my back is on fire. Try and not wake rara as I drag myself up off the floor. Back into my glorious bed.

5:20  Rara is up again. She's too noisy to stay in her room (she and big sis share). Lay her in our bed because the thought of standing up is more than I can handle. Beg her to stay asleep as she dozes then complains off and on. She is too tired to be awake yet too awake to really sleep.

5:55  Give up on sleep and start the day.

At least they are sweet when they do sleep.