It seems like lately everyone needs a piece of me and I seem to be spinning in circles not quite getting anywhere. I know this is a direct result of adding a new little into the family. Everyone is more needy and I am just so tired. I get overwhelmed with all there is to do that I distract myself with, oh I don't know, writing a blog entry and pretending I live a life of leisure.
I thought with the big kids in school, things would be slower. Oh how wrong I was. I have to leave the house in a timely manner 3 times a day. 90 minutes of my day is spent in the car because I am too overprotective and won't put my buddy on a bus. Then there is all the paperwork and homework. My buddy had a fall project we had to do. There are a lot of things he really enjoys... decorating a paper pumpkin is not one of those things.
I tried to implement a sticker chart with my buddy to help with his behavior at home. Really it should be a sticker chart for me. It slowed me down and forced me to pay more attention to my buddy, which of course improved his behavior. He only throws and is a menace when I am in the other room and he craves some attention. Maybe I should make a sticker chart for myself... clean toilets, earn a sticker, play game with kids, earn a sticker, 20 stickers gets Mama a new pair of shoes. Anyway, after a few days of spending so much time focused on my buddy's behavior improvement, I was exhausted because I was up way too late folding laundry, washing dishes, filling out birthday invitations and everything else I didn't get done during the day.
Monkey bear has been really needy since starting Kindergarten. She had a weekend where she just kept crying because she missed Mommy and she told me that sometimes her eyes get a little teary at school because she wishes she was with me. It broke my heart a little. Then she gets all mouthy and snarkily says her new catch phrase - "I don't care". Also since school, she has been waking in the night to use the potty so she is more tired... as am I because she wakes me up as well.
Poor little rara. She never gets to nap or eat when she really wants. She rarely gets to be free to roll about and she's always getting shoved back into the car. Hopefully she will be on some sort of a schedule that works with drive times and things will be a little more predictable for her. Oh and if she could stop waking me up multiple times a night, that would be great.
I keep on thinking there must be a way to do it all. If only I had the right schedule set up I could somehow cook, clean, do dishes, pay the bills, laundry, exercise, shower, give all 3 kids attention, help with homework, speech therapy, grocery shop, bathe all kids, make photobooks, write in baby book, perform mentally enriching activities appropriate for each aged child, properly potty train my buddy and read a book. Until I figure that out, I'll just keep perusing Pintrest hoping for a magic answer.
October 10, 2012
September 16, 2012
so hard
My buddy has been so hard lately. Who am I fooling? He has always been difficult. I feel like I keep waiting for him to grow out of it and I'm afraid it may never happen. As he gets older, he just gets better at finding trouble and new ways of creating havoc. He is still throwing everything he can get his hands on. Time out seems to mean nothing... other than a few minutes of peace for me.
I have a friend who says things like, "Oh he is just being a boy." Part of that is true. He does typical boy things but, at almost 4, he still has no impulse control and no ability to express how he is feeling. Every outing ends in him throwing himself on the ground - either because he's not ready to leave or because he's beyond the breaking point. I can't count the number of times I've hauled my buddy in full tantrum to the car under one arm with the baby in the other, my head down so I don't have to meet anyone's eyes. Today, in my sleep deprived stressed out state, I blame Down syndrome.
I try and focus on my buddy when I have the chance, but most of the fun things I try with him end in disaster. He eats or throws bubbles, shaving cream, paints, play dough, etc. Coloring only lasts 3 minutes. Throwing a ball or vrooming cars lasts a bit longer, but he still has a very short attention span. I want to do fun art projects or cook together and eat different foods but that is just not possible. The only thing that seems to calm him down and stop him from trouble is the TV or iPad. I hate that he spends so much time "rotting his brain". I am thinking of drastically reducing screen time to see if that makes a difference in his behavior.
Most days it's like talking to a brick wall. My buddy rarely listens to me. I have to look him in the eye with my hand on him and even then he often goes back to trouble as soon as I start to walk away. I try and empathize, imagining how it must feel not to be able to express anything other than basic needs and being told "no" all day long. But then he goes and hits monkey bear for no reason or kicks her nonstop in the car and I just lose my mind. And throwing things at rara? Pushes me over the edge every time.
Some days I am afraid I am failing as a mother and raising this out of control child who always gets his way because it is easier than dealing with the tantrum. There are so many times when monkey bear complains about his behavior and all I can say is, "I can't stop him."
OK. I feel better now. Some things you just need to get out so you can move on.
I have a friend who says things like, "Oh he is just being a boy." Part of that is true. He does typical boy things but, at almost 4, he still has no impulse control and no ability to express how he is feeling. Every outing ends in him throwing himself on the ground - either because he's not ready to leave or because he's beyond the breaking point. I can't count the number of times I've hauled my buddy in full tantrum to the car under one arm with the baby in the other, my head down so I don't have to meet anyone's eyes. Today, in my sleep deprived stressed out state, I blame Down syndrome.
I try and focus on my buddy when I have the chance, but most of the fun things I try with him end in disaster. He eats or throws bubbles, shaving cream, paints, play dough, etc. Coloring only lasts 3 minutes. Throwing a ball or vrooming cars lasts a bit longer, but he still has a very short attention span. I want to do fun art projects or cook together and eat different foods but that is just not possible. The only thing that seems to calm him down and stop him from trouble is the TV or iPad. I hate that he spends so much time "rotting his brain". I am thinking of drastically reducing screen time to see if that makes a difference in his behavior.
Most days it's like talking to a brick wall. My buddy rarely listens to me. I have to look him in the eye with my hand on him and even then he often goes back to trouble as soon as I start to walk away. I try and empathize, imagining how it must feel not to be able to express anything other than basic needs and being told "no" all day long. But then he goes and hits monkey bear for no reason or kicks her nonstop in the car and I just lose my mind. And throwing things at rara? Pushes me over the edge every time.
Some days I am afraid I am failing as a mother and raising this out of control child who always gets his way because it is easier than dealing with the tantrum. There are so many times when monkey bear complains about his behavior and all I can say is, "I can't stop him."
OK. I feel better now. Some things you just need to get out so you can move on.
September 12, 2012
potty talk
There are some things about parenthood that you never expect. OK, there are a lot of things but at least they creep up one at a time. The last few weeks have been full of potty talk... literally.
Monkey bear has started kindergarten and really loves it. But she is really shy and afraid to ask for what she needs. In this case - to use the bathroom. There was a lot of holding it in. There were a few accidents when she couldn't hold it any longer. And now she has a UTI. I have a good feeling that she has learned a lesson.
My buddy started in a new preschool class and we've had some issues with how clean, or rather not clean, his bottom is after he pooped at school. I hate that his teachers have to change his diaper. I wish that he were potty trained, but he is not. Part of their job is to wipe his butt. I had to first send a letter than speak to his teacher in person. I do not like speaking to anyone in person - never mind having the topic be spreading my buddy's butt cheeks to really get in there. But until my buddy can speak or do for himself, I need to be his voice.
It's funny how all kids - typical or special needs - face challenges that we, as parents, have to help them through. I am always more aware of my buddy's challenges. I guess because they last longer and are more apparent. I also work a lot with my buddy in ways I never had to with monkey bear. We have a little speech therapy session every morning and potty training will take a very long time to complete. Once my buddy has the words, he will never have a problem speaking up for what he needs. He helps monkey bear come out of her shell to be the best she can be. He loves his two sisters more than any words could ever express.
Monkey bear has started kindergarten and really loves it. But she is really shy and afraid to ask for what she needs. In this case - to use the bathroom. There was a lot of holding it in. There were a few accidents when she couldn't hold it any longer. And now she has a UTI. I have a good feeling that she has learned a lesson.
My buddy started in a new preschool class and we've had some issues with how clean, or rather not clean, his bottom is after he pooped at school. I hate that his teachers have to change his diaper. I wish that he were potty trained, but he is not. Part of their job is to wipe his butt. I had to first send a letter than speak to his teacher in person. I do not like speaking to anyone in person - never mind having the topic be spreading my buddy's butt cheeks to really get in there. But until my buddy can speak or do for himself, I need to be his voice.
It's funny how all kids - typical or special needs - face challenges that we, as parents, have to help them through. I am always more aware of my buddy's challenges. I guess because they last longer and are more apparent. I also work a lot with my buddy in ways I never had to with monkey bear. We have a little speech therapy session every morning and potty training will take a very long time to complete. Once my buddy has the words, he will never have a problem speaking up for what he needs. He helps monkey bear come out of her shell to be the best she can be. He loves his two sisters more than any words could ever express.
August 30, 2012
kindergarten
Monkey bear is in kindergarten as I write this. I wonder if she is enjoying herself or if she is scared and missing us. I am very happy to report that she went off without a tear and I managed not to say, "You're wearing THAT?!"
It's funny because my buddy starts school today as well, but I have no concerns at all. Maybe because he went to school over the summer or because he is in the same school with a teacher who already knows him or maybe because he has no problems at all leaving me behind and joining his friends. He is a social guy who loves to be out and about. In fact this morning when we dropped monkey bear off at 'his' school, he was pissed that he couldn't stay.
Now monkey bear is out in the real world - spending more time with others than with me. Full day kindergarten. How did that happen? Just the other day it was just her as a baby and me. All day together to do whatever we wanted. I know at some point she needs to find her own way in the world. I do want her to grow into her own person. Make her own discoveries and have our relationship change in the way it is supposed to.
But can I just say that I miss her?
It's funny because my buddy starts school today as well, but I have no concerns at all. Maybe because he went to school over the summer or because he is in the same school with a teacher who already knows him or maybe because he has no problems at all leaving me behind and joining his friends. He is a social guy who loves to be out and about. In fact this morning when we dropped monkey bear off at 'his' school, he was pissed that he couldn't stay.
Now monkey bear is out in the real world - spending more time with others than with me. Full day kindergarten. How did that happen? Just the other day it was just her as a baby and me. All day together to do whatever we wanted. I know at some point she needs to find her own way in the world. I do want her to grow into her own person. Make her own discoveries and have our relationship change in the way it is supposed to.
But can I just say that I miss her?
August 25, 2012
teasing
Recently we were enjoying a morning at the park when my buddy saw a small group of 9 year old boys. My buddy was so excited and ran over to them shouting, "a lalal lala ahhh lala lala!" Which loosely translates into, "Hey dudes! What's up?" One of the boys stares at my buddy for a moment then turns to his friends and says, "He just said lalalala," and laughs in that I-am-laughing-at-you-and-not-with-you way.
For a minute it stung really bad. Just like I was back in 6th grade and Beth Palmese taunted me with "stripes don't go with stripes" when my outfit was super cool... even if it was too many stripes. After the sting passes, I wanted to grab that little boy by the shirt collar and give him a stern talking to about acceptance and being a nice person. But by then my buddy was attempting to climb the rock wall solo and needed some help.
I've had plenty of kids ask out of innocent curiosity why my buddy can't talk. I am more than happy to answer them. This was the first time I have experienced any sort of teasing where my kids are involved. Thinking about it still makes me want to cry - not because my buddy notices now, but because some day he will. I finally get why my mom knocked on the door of the neighborhood bully's house to speak to his parents. (Although I hope never to do that myself.)
I know it is not within my power to shelter my kids from life's little kicks in the pants. Nor is it in my power to make all other kids be kind and loving all the time. I guess I just wish it didn't have to happen so soon and right in front of me.
For a minute it stung really bad. Just like I was back in 6th grade and Beth Palmese taunted me with "stripes don't go with stripes" when my outfit was super cool... even if it was too many stripes. After the sting passes, I wanted to grab that little boy by the shirt collar and give him a stern talking to about acceptance and being a nice person. But by then my buddy was attempting to climb the rock wall solo and needed some help.
I've had plenty of kids ask out of innocent curiosity why my buddy can't talk. I am more than happy to answer them. This was the first time I have experienced any sort of teasing where my kids are involved. Thinking about it still makes me want to cry - not because my buddy notices now, but because some day he will. I finally get why my mom knocked on the door of the neighborhood bully's house to speak to his parents. (Although I hope never to do that myself.)
I know it is not within my power to shelter my kids from life's little kicks in the pants. Nor is it in my power to make all other kids be kind and loving all the time. I guess I just wish it didn't have to happen so soon and right in front of me.
August 18, 2012
out and about
We like to go on special outings with the kids to have some fun and make some memories. Sometimes they go very well and everyone is happy and engaged. Other times they go oh so wrong. I'm not sure if we expect too much of my buddy and just don't know his limits.
It can be so frustrating to plan a trip to the zoo or aquarium and have it be one big meltdown after another. I think maybe my buddy gets easily overwhelmed when there is too much going on. I hate having to strap him screaming into the stroller just so monkey bear can enjoy an animal or two. I don't understand what he wants when he throws himself down - not wanting to sit or be carried or walk - and he has no way of telling me.
Then we visit a children's museum and my buddy is perfect - enjoying the interactive displays, playing appropriately and lasting a few hours before he throws himself down and is done. Or he will sit and watch the sea lion show and clap with everyone else enjoying the show. I do not have the magic equation so we always have a positive experience.
I have a small hope that my buddy will get better as he gets older, but I have a feeling we still have a few years left of meltdowns. For now, we will keep trying and be thankful that monkey bear is so understanding when we need to leave early.
It can be so frustrating to plan a trip to the zoo or aquarium and have it be one big meltdown after another. I think maybe my buddy gets easily overwhelmed when there is too much going on. I hate having to strap him screaming into the stroller just so monkey bear can enjoy an animal or two. I don't understand what he wants when he throws himself down - not wanting to sit or be carried or walk - and he has no way of telling me.
Then we visit a children's museum and my buddy is perfect - enjoying the interactive displays, playing appropriately and lasting a few hours before he throws himself down and is done. Or he will sit and watch the sea lion show and clap with everyone else enjoying the show. I do not have the magic equation so we always have a positive experience.
I have a small hope that my buddy will get better as he gets older, but I have a feeling we still have a few years left of meltdowns. For now, we will keep trying and be thankful that monkey bear is so understanding when we need to leave early.
August 8, 2012
help
A couple of weeks ago I had a doctor's appointment. She asked me if I had any help. Well, no, except for when my mom is in town. She asked if we had a babysitter. Again, no. I have people I can count on if I am in a pickle. I have people who have offered to help that I have never taken them up on it. And, yes, my marriage has survived the last 5 years without a date night.
I have lots of reasons why I don't want to drop my kids off somewhere. Monkey bear is a big help and fun to be around. I know that leaving her with anyone (other than Daddy and Nana) stresses her out. My buddy will gladly go where ever with whom ever. But that whom ever better watch out. Very few people understand my buddy and are equip to handle his various behaviors as well as his never ending energy. He has moments every day where he is very taxing and there are very few people I trust with him. And, for now, I am the food wagon for rara.
I feel so lucky that I get to be a stay at home mom. I was married for 10 years before we were financially sound enough for that to happen. I truly enjoy spending time with all of my children. Don't get me wrong - there are those days when you want to lock them in a closet and sit in front of the TV with a stiff drink and your feet up pretending you are single. Then you have that moment where you just snuggle them and your heart grows even more.
The years of intense child care are short. Already monkey bear will be off to full day kindergarten. She will spend more time away from me than with me. Maybe I sheltered her too much and should have sent her off to people's houses without me. Before I blink again, she will be a teenager and want nothing to do with me. I try my hardest to enjoy these years. Sure I call my best friend every day to complain but that is just what we do.
I have made it 5 years without help. The big kids are in bed by 7:00 and some day the baby will join them. Date night starts at 7:05... on the couch... dress code of pajamas. Who needs a babysitter?
I have lots of reasons why I don't want to drop my kids off somewhere. Monkey bear is a big help and fun to be around. I know that leaving her with anyone (other than Daddy and Nana) stresses her out. My buddy will gladly go where ever with whom ever. But that whom ever better watch out. Very few people understand my buddy and are equip to handle his various behaviors as well as his never ending energy. He has moments every day where he is very taxing and there are very few people I trust with him. And, for now, I am the food wagon for rara.
I feel so lucky that I get to be a stay at home mom. I was married for 10 years before we were financially sound enough for that to happen. I truly enjoy spending time with all of my children. Don't get me wrong - there are those days when you want to lock them in a closet and sit in front of the TV with a stiff drink and your feet up pretending you are single. Then you have that moment where you just snuggle them and your heart grows even more.
The years of intense child care are short. Already monkey bear will be off to full day kindergarten. She will spend more time away from me than with me. Maybe I sheltered her too much and should have sent her off to people's houses without me. Before I blink again, she will be a teenager and want nothing to do with me. I try my hardest to enjoy these years. Sure I call my best friend every day to complain but that is just what we do.
I have made it 5 years without help. The big kids are in bed by 7:00 and some day the baby will join them. Date night starts at 7:05... on the couch... dress code of pajamas. Who needs a babysitter?
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