My buddy has an internal sensor that seems to know when I am at my breaking point. He then magically turns a corner and gives me a break... well as much of a break as he can. After some good advice from my mom (the retired Special Ed teacher) and some time ignoring house cleaning and focusing on my buddy, things are on the upswing.
Maybe all the talk about being a big 4 year old boy hit home. He's even used the potty twice at school. Maybe he just decided that sitting in time out stinks and getting rewarded with the iPad is a much better choice. Whatever the reason, I am grateful.
My buddy's birthdays always bring about an abundance of emotions. There is no way not to relive the first time you hear the words Down syndrome or how you had to leave him at the hospital hooked up to countless machines. I also can't help but think - now he is 4 and still can't talk. Does he even understand that it is his birthday?
He did have a nice party. We let him play the iPad and open presents whenever he wanted. He hugged every last person to say Thank You and didn't melt down once.
In unrelated news, monkey bear is coming out of her shell at school yet really craving Mommy at home. At school, monkey bear is going potty and talking and has "3 best friends". She is also crying at night because she misses me so much during the day. It breaks my heart. Growing up is so hard.
Rara is refusing to nap longer than 20 minutes and still wakes up at least twice at night. She has these totally crabby times of day where she is so tired but just can't sleep. Then she has times where she squeals with delight and rolls about the floor with pure joy in her heart. Around 6pm she hits a wall, but all she needs is to be stripped naked and set free. (Of course I have all these fears that she will have sensory issues as she grows, but that is just me being paranoid.)
So, I am still tired, but things are looking up. Some days I am like Super Mom and all three kids get bathed and those are the days I will remember.
October 25, 2012
October 14, 2012
empathy
We have an ongoing joke around here when it comes to my buddy's extra chromosome. If he's having a mischievous day, the extra chromosome is all trouble. If some super loud gas erupts, than it's all Portuguese. The reality is that extra chromosome is all empathy.
Recently, little rara has been left to cry a little in her crib to get herself to sleep. The first night, my buddy laid in front of his door and cried along with her. No matter how much I tried to convince him that she was fine and she would fall asleep soon, he didn't stop crying until she did.
My buddy may be the one that smacked you in the head with a truck, but he is the first one to give you a hug and a kiss. No matter who is upset - a perfect stranger or his baby sister - my buddy has to check it out and make sure that everyone is fine.
At least three times a day, my buddy will go around the room at random times giving everyone a hug and a kiss. He never misses a person. My buddy may not have the words to say how he feels, but a day never goes by where I doubt the immense intensity of his love for us all.
Recently, little rara has been left to cry a little in her crib to get herself to sleep. The first night, my buddy laid in front of his door and cried along with her. No matter how much I tried to convince him that she was fine and she would fall asleep soon, he didn't stop crying until she did.
My buddy may be the one that smacked you in the head with a truck, but he is the first one to give you a hug and a kiss. No matter who is upset - a perfect stranger or his baby sister - my buddy has to check it out and make sure that everyone is fine.
At least three times a day, my buddy will go around the room at random times giving everyone a hug and a kiss. He never misses a person. My buddy may not have the words to say how he feels, but a day never goes by where I doubt the immense intensity of his love for us all.
October 10, 2012
overwhelmed
It seems like lately everyone needs a piece of me and I seem to be spinning in circles not quite getting anywhere. I know this is a direct result of adding a new little into the family. Everyone is more needy and I am just so tired. I get overwhelmed with all there is to do that I distract myself with, oh I don't know, writing a blog entry and pretending I live a life of leisure.
I thought with the big kids in school, things would be slower. Oh how wrong I was. I have to leave the house in a timely manner 3 times a day. 90 minutes of my day is spent in the car because I am too overprotective and won't put my buddy on a bus. Then there is all the paperwork and homework. My buddy had a fall project we had to do. There are a lot of things he really enjoys... decorating a paper pumpkin is not one of those things.
I tried to implement a sticker chart with my buddy to help with his behavior at home. Really it should be a sticker chart for me. It slowed me down and forced me to pay more attention to my buddy, which of course improved his behavior. He only throws and is a menace when I am in the other room and he craves some attention. Maybe I should make a sticker chart for myself... clean toilets, earn a sticker, play game with kids, earn a sticker, 20 stickers gets Mama a new pair of shoes. Anyway, after a few days of spending so much time focused on my buddy's behavior improvement, I was exhausted because I was up way too late folding laundry, washing dishes, filling out birthday invitations and everything else I didn't get done during the day.
Monkey bear has been really needy since starting Kindergarten. She had a weekend where she just kept crying because she missed Mommy and she told me that sometimes her eyes get a little teary at school because she wishes she was with me. It broke my heart a little. Then she gets all mouthy and snarkily says her new catch phrase - "I don't care". Also since school, she has been waking in the night to use the potty so she is more tired... as am I because she wakes me up as well.
Poor little rara. She never gets to nap or eat when she really wants. She rarely gets to be free to roll about and she's always getting shoved back into the car. Hopefully she will be on some sort of a schedule that works with drive times and things will be a little more predictable for her. Oh and if she could stop waking me up multiple times a night, that would be great.
I keep on thinking there must be a way to do it all. If only I had the right schedule set up I could somehow cook, clean, do dishes, pay the bills, laundry, exercise, shower, give all 3 kids attention, help with homework, speech therapy, grocery shop, bathe all kids, make photobooks, write in baby book, perform mentally enriching activities appropriate for each aged child, properly potty train my buddy and read a book. Until I figure that out, I'll just keep perusing Pintrest hoping for a magic answer.
I thought with the big kids in school, things would be slower. Oh how wrong I was. I have to leave the house in a timely manner 3 times a day. 90 minutes of my day is spent in the car because I am too overprotective and won't put my buddy on a bus. Then there is all the paperwork and homework. My buddy had a fall project we had to do. There are a lot of things he really enjoys... decorating a paper pumpkin is not one of those things.
I tried to implement a sticker chart with my buddy to help with his behavior at home. Really it should be a sticker chart for me. It slowed me down and forced me to pay more attention to my buddy, which of course improved his behavior. He only throws and is a menace when I am in the other room and he craves some attention. Maybe I should make a sticker chart for myself... clean toilets, earn a sticker, play game with kids, earn a sticker, 20 stickers gets Mama a new pair of shoes. Anyway, after a few days of spending so much time focused on my buddy's behavior improvement, I was exhausted because I was up way too late folding laundry, washing dishes, filling out birthday invitations and everything else I didn't get done during the day.
Monkey bear has been really needy since starting Kindergarten. She had a weekend where she just kept crying because she missed Mommy and she told me that sometimes her eyes get a little teary at school because she wishes she was with me. It broke my heart a little. Then she gets all mouthy and snarkily says her new catch phrase - "I don't care". Also since school, she has been waking in the night to use the potty so she is more tired... as am I because she wakes me up as well.
Poor little rara. She never gets to nap or eat when she really wants. She rarely gets to be free to roll about and she's always getting shoved back into the car. Hopefully she will be on some sort of a schedule that works with drive times and things will be a little more predictable for her. Oh and if she could stop waking me up multiple times a night, that would be great.
I keep on thinking there must be a way to do it all. If only I had the right schedule set up I could somehow cook, clean, do dishes, pay the bills, laundry, exercise, shower, give all 3 kids attention, help with homework, speech therapy, grocery shop, bathe all kids, make photobooks, write in baby book, perform mentally enriching activities appropriate for each aged child, properly potty train my buddy and read a book. Until I figure that out, I'll just keep perusing Pintrest hoping for a magic answer.
September 16, 2012
so hard
My buddy has been so hard lately. Who am I fooling? He has always been difficult. I feel like I keep waiting for him to grow out of it and I'm afraid it may never happen. As he gets older, he just gets better at finding trouble and new ways of creating havoc. He is still throwing everything he can get his hands on. Time out seems to mean nothing... other than a few minutes of peace for me.
I have a friend who says things like, "Oh he is just being a boy." Part of that is true. He does typical boy things but, at almost 4, he still has no impulse control and no ability to express how he is feeling. Every outing ends in him throwing himself on the ground - either because he's not ready to leave or because he's beyond the breaking point. I can't count the number of times I've hauled my buddy in full tantrum to the car under one arm with the baby in the other, my head down so I don't have to meet anyone's eyes. Today, in my sleep deprived stressed out state, I blame Down syndrome.
I try and focus on my buddy when I have the chance, but most of the fun things I try with him end in disaster. He eats or throws bubbles, shaving cream, paints, play dough, etc. Coloring only lasts 3 minutes. Throwing a ball or vrooming cars lasts a bit longer, but he still has a very short attention span. I want to do fun art projects or cook together and eat different foods but that is just not possible. The only thing that seems to calm him down and stop him from trouble is the TV or iPad. I hate that he spends so much time "rotting his brain". I am thinking of drastically reducing screen time to see if that makes a difference in his behavior.
Most days it's like talking to a brick wall. My buddy rarely listens to me. I have to look him in the eye with my hand on him and even then he often goes back to trouble as soon as I start to walk away. I try and empathize, imagining how it must feel not to be able to express anything other than basic needs and being told "no" all day long. But then he goes and hits monkey bear for no reason or kicks her nonstop in the car and I just lose my mind. And throwing things at rara? Pushes me over the edge every time.
Some days I am afraid I am failing as a mother and raising this out of control child who always gets his way because it is easier than dealing with the tantrum. There are so many times when monkey bear complains about his behavior and all I can say is, "I can't stop him."
OK. I feel better now. Some things you just need to get out so you can move on.
I have a friend who says things like, "Oh he is just being a boy." Part of that is true. He does typical boy things but, at almost 4, he still has no impulse control and no ability to express how he is feeling. Every outing ends in him throwing himself on the ground - either because he's not ready to leave or because he's beyond the breaking point. I can't count the number of times I've hauled my buddy in full tantrum to the car under one arm with the baby in the other, my head down so I don't have to meet anyone's eyes. Today, in my sleep deprived stressed out state, I blame Down syndrome.
I try and focus on my buddy when I have the chance, but most of the fun things I try with him end in disaster. He eats or throws bubbles, shaving cream, paints, play dough, etc. Coloring only lasts 3 minutes. Throwing a ball or vrooming cars lasts a bit longer, but he still has a very short attention span. I want to do fun art projects or cook together and eat different foods but that is just not possible. The only thing that seems to calm him down and stop him from trouble is the TV or iPad. I hate that he spends so much time "rotting his brain". I am thinking of drastically reducing screen time to see if that makes a difference in his behavior.
Most days it's like talking to a brick wall. My buddy rarely listens to me. I have to look him in the eye with my hand on him and even then he often goes back to trouble as soon as I start to walk away. I try and empathize, imagining how it must feel not to be able to express anything other than basic needs and being told "no" all day long. But then he goes and hits monkey bear for no reason or kicks her nonstop in the car and I just lose my mind. And throwing things at rara? Pushes me over the edge every time.
Some days I am afraid I am failing as a mother and raising this out of control child who always gets his way because it is easier than dealing with the tantrum. There are so many times when monkey bear complains about his behavior and all I can say is, "I can't stop him."
OK. I feel better now. Some things you just need to get out so you can move on.
September 12, 2012
potty talk
There are some things about parenthood that you never expect. OK, there are a lot of things but at least they creep up one at a time. The last few weeks have been full of potty talk... literally.
Monkey bear has started kindergarten and really loves it. But she is really shy and afraid to ask for what she needs. In this case - to use the bathroom. There was a lot of holding it in. There were a few accidents when she couldn't hold it any longer. And now she has a UTI. I have a good feeling that she has learned a lesson.
My buddy started in a new preschool class and we've had some issues with how clean, or rather not clean, his bottom is after he pooped at school. I hate that his teachers have to change his diaper. I wish that he were potty trained, but he is not. Part of their job is to wipe his butt. I had to first send a letter than speak to his teacher in person. I do not like speaking to anyone in person - never mind having the topic be spreading my buddy's butt cheeks to really get in there. But until my buddy can speak or do for himself, I need to be his voice.
It's funny how all kids - typical or special needs - face challenges that we, as parents, have to help them through. I am always more aware of my buddy's challenges. I guess because they last longer and are more apparent. I also work a lot with my buddy in ways I never had to with monkey bear. We have a little speech therapy session every morning and potty training will take a very long time to complete. Once my buddy has the words, he will never have a problem speaking up for what he needs. He helps monkey bear come out of her shell to be the best she can be. He loves his two sisters more than any words could ever express.
Monkey bear has started kindergarten and really loves it. But she is really shy and afraid to ask for what she needs. In this case - to use the bathroom. There was a lot of holding it in. There were a few accidents when she couldn't hold it any longer. And now she has a UTI. I have a good feeling that she has learned a lesson.
My buddy started in a new preschool class and we've had some issues with how clean, or rather not clean, his bottom is after he pooped at school. I hate that his teachers have to change his diaper. I wish that he were potty trained, but he is not. Part of their job is to wipe his butt. I had to first send a letter than speak to his teacher in person. I do not like speaking to anyone in person - never mind having the topic be spreading my buddy's butt cheeks to really get in there. But until my buddy can speak or do for himself, I need to be his voice.
It's funny how all kids - typical or special needs - face challenges that we, as parents, have to help them through. I am always more aware of my buddy's challenges. I guess because they last longer and are more apparent. I also work a lot with my buddy in ways I never had to with monkey bear. We have a little speech therapy session every morning and potty training will take a very long time to complete. Once my buddy has the words, he will never have a problem speaking up for what he needs. He helps monkey bear come out of her shell to be the best she can be. He loves his two sisters more than any words could ever express.
August 30, 2012
kindergarten
Monkey bear is in kindergarten as I write this. I wonder if she is enjoying herself or if she is scared and missing us. I am very happy to report that she went off without a tear and I managed not to say, "You're wearing THAT?!"
It's funny because my buddy starts school today as well, but I have no concerns at all. Maybe because he went to school over the summer or because he is in the same school with a teacher who already knows him or maybe because he has no problems at all leaving me behind and joining his friends. He is a social guy who loves to be out and about. In fact this morning when we dropped monkey bear off at 'his' school, he was pissed that he couldn't stay.
Now monkey bear is out in the real world - spending more time with others than with me. Full day kindergarten. How did that happen? Just the other day it was just her as a baby and me. All day together to do whatever we wanted. I know at some point she needs to find her own way in the world. I do want her to grow into her own person. Make her own discoveries and have our relationship change in the way it is supposed to.
But can I just say that I miss her?
It's funny because my buddy starts school today as well, but I have no concerns at all. Maybe because he went to school over the summer or because he is in the same school with a teacher who already knows him or maybe because he has no problems at all leaving me behind and joining his friends. He is a social guy who loves to be out and about. In fact this morning when we dropped monkey bear off at 'his' school, he was pissed that he couldn't stay.
Now monkey bear is out in the real world - spending more time with others than with me. Full day kindergarten. How did that happen? Just the other day it was just her as a baby and me. All day together to do whatever we wanted. I know at some point she needs to find her own way in the world. I do want her to grow into her own person. Make her own discoveries and have our relationship change in the way it is supposed to.
But can I just say that I miss her?
August 25, 2012
teasing
Recently we were enjoying a morning at the park when my buddy saw a small group of 9 year old boys. My buddy was so excited and ran over to them shouting, "a lalal lala ahhh lala lala!" Which loosely translates into, "Hey dudes! What's up?" One of the boys stares at my buddy for a moment then turns to his friends and says, "He just said lalalala," and laughs in that I-am-laughing-at-you-and-not-with-you way.
For a minute it stung really bad. Just like I was back in 6th grade and Beth Palmese taunted me with "stripes don't go with stripes" when my outfit was super cool... even if it was too many stripes. After the sting passes, I wanted to grab that little boy by the shirt collar and give him a stern talking to about acceptance and being a nice person. But by then my buddy was attempting to climb the rock wall solo and needed some help.
I've had plenty of kids ask out of innocent curiosity why my buddy can't talk. I am more than happy to answer them. This was the first time I have experienced any sort of teasing where my kids are involved. Thinking about it still makes me want to cry - not because my buddy notices now, but because some day he will. I finally get why my mom knocked on the door of the neighborhood bully's house to speak to his parents. (Although I hope never to do that myself.)
I know it is not within my power to shelter my kids from life's little kicks in the pants. Nor is it in my power to make all other kids be kind and loving all the time. I guess I just wish it didn't have to happen so soon and right in front of me.
For a minute it stung really bad. Just like I was back in 6th grade and Beth Palmese taunted me with "stripes don't go with stripes" when my outfit was super cool... even if it was too many stripes. After the sting passes, I wanted to grab that little boy by the shirt collar and give him a stern talking to about acceptance and being a nice person. But by then my buddy was attempting to climb the rock wall solo and needed some help.
I've had plenty of kids ask out of innocent curiosity why my buddy can't talk. I am more than happy to answer them. This was the first time I have experienced any sort of teasing where my kids are involved. Thinking about it still makes me want to cry - not because my buddy notices now, but because some day he will. I finally get why my mom knocked on the door of the neighborhood bully's house to speak to his parents. (Although I hope never to do that myself.)
I know it is not within my power to shelter my kids from life's little kicks in the pants. Nor is it in my power to make all other kids be kind and loving all the time. I guess I just wish it didn't have to happen so soon and right in front of me.
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