I try and approach parenthood with a heavy dose of understanding. If one of the kids is acting out I try and think of how they may be feeling and what kind of outside forces may be at work as well. Sometimes it is as simple as a good snack to refuel. Other times its a bit more complicated like really missing "Mommy time" or having Daddy be away. I want to raise little individual people not just pods who will do everything exactly as I say so I try and listen and work with them as much as possible.
Unfortunately for my buddy I just don't understand him. I cannot figure him out. When he sees a baby and pushes them down, does he have any idea that he can hurt them and always scares them? I tell him every time.
When I tell him iPad time is over and he says over and over "iPad.... iPad.. .iPad...", does he just hope he will wear me down? Does he understand what I am saying?
Why does he have to spit the food out of his mouth just because he wants a drink of milk?
Every time he throws, he sits in time out. Yet he still constantly throws things.
Is there some sort of crazy logic known only to him or does he just act on impulse?
Why the need to hug every male over the age of 50?
I know my buddy gets frustrated because he can't tell me what he wants. But I honestly believe that half the time he doesn't even know what he wants. Or maybe he does and I just truly don't get him.
December 28, 2012
December 4, 2012
oh baby
A list of several things I had forgotten about babies:
* they smell so good
* sneezing with a mouth of pureed food is quite messy
* bath time is actually fun and something to look forward to
* it hurts so much when they grab a fistful of hair on the nape of your neck
* how they look at you, pause for a moment and then give that huge gummy smile
* just how hard it can be to cook dinner with a baby on your hip
* how you would do anything to hear that baby belly laugh
* those chubby cheeks beg to be kissed
* that baby belly demands to be eaten
* how every time you pick them up from the crib you just can't help but hold them tight
* they smell so good
* sneezing with a mouth of pureed food is quite messy
* bath time is actually fun and something to look forward to
* it hurts so much when they grab a fistful of hair on the nape of your neck
* how they look at you, pause for a moment and then give that huge gummy smile
* just how hard it can be to cook dinner with a baby on your hip
* how you would do anything to hear that baby belly laugh
* those chubby cheeks beg to be kissed
* that baby belly demands to be eaten
* how every time you pick them up from the crib you just can't help but hold them tight
November 30, 2012
people
I am the kind of person that always thinks the best of people. I find myself making excuses for why they might have acted in a not nice way. But sometimes I come across someone that rubs me the wrong way. After having a child with Down syndrome, those not so understanding ones really pop out at you.
When I pick monkey bear up, a group of adults mill about waiting for the doors to be unlocked. I usually have rara in my arms and tend to keep to myself. There is a grandmother there. English is not her first language and she is a bit pushy. When she deems the weather is cold, she will come over and pull rara's sleeve over her fingers saying, "Oh she cold." The second time I met her, she told me what college all her kids had gone to and what amazing jobs they all had.
The other day was a half day and my buddy had no preschool so he came with me for parent pick up. My buddy approached this grandmother and started smiling and chatting with her. She asked me how old he was. Then she said, with a very concerned look on her face, "He no talk?" "No, not yet," with a smile on my face. Then she said, "He born that way?" I wasn't quite sure how to respond, but I really wanted the conversation to end so I just said, "Yes." Ordinarily I would have mentioned the words Down syndrome and very positively said he will talk some day. But with her, I just got the feeling it wouldn't matter.
On the flip side of that are the gems of people who are perfect around my buddy. There is a receptionist at our doctor's office - we seem to be there a lot so they know us by name. My buddy loves her. He goes right up to her window, stands on his tippy toes until she opens it and chats her up. She just talks right back as if he is having a real conversation with her. The smile he gets on his face could melt any cold heart out there.
When I pick monkey bear up, a group of adults mill about waiting for the doors to be unlocked. I usually have rara in my arms and tend to keep to myself. There is a grandmother there. English is not her first language and she is a bit pushy. When she deems the weather is cold, she will come over and pull rara's sleeve over her fingers saying, "Oh she cold." The second time I met her, she told me what college all her kids had gone to and what amazing jobs they all had.
The other day was a half day and my buddy had no preschool so he came with me for parent pick up. My buddy approached this grandmother and started smiling and chatting with her. She asked me how old he was. Then she said, with a very concerned look on her face, "He no talk?" "No, not yet," with a smile on my face. Then she said, "He born that way?" I wasn't quite sure how to respond, but I really wanted the conversation to end so I just said, "Yes." Ordinarily I would have mentioned the words Down syndrome and very positively said he will talk some day. But with her, I just got the feeling it wouldn't matter.
On the flip side of that are the gems of people who are perfect around my buddy. There is a receptionist at our doctor's office - we seem to be there a lot so they know us by name. My buddy loves her. He goes right up to her window, stands on his tippy toes until she opens it and chats her up. She just talks right back as if he is having a real conversation with her. The smile he gets on his face could melt any cold heart out there.
November 29, 2012
stepping it up
Lately I have been trying to take things up a notch with my buddy. It can be so easy to let time pass without challenging him to step out of his comfort zone. We have been working on dressing and undressing independently as well as potty training and walking (a little) in a store without running away.
I would love to say that he has risen to the occasion, but resisting would be a more accurate term. He stood in front of a full bubbly bath, really wanting to go in, with his pants halfway off refusing to finish the job. It can be really frustrating, but it can also be rewarding. When he actually gets himself dressed, he looks so proud and excited. For me, I feel the most important thing I can do for him is encourage him to care for himself independently.
Potty training is another story. My buddy is not to be trusted in the bathroom. How am I supposed to make that work? He is not too thrilled about trying and I really have not pushed that hard. I don't think he is able to tell me when he has to go and the thought of taking him into a public bathroom skeeves me out.
My buddy has gotten really good at working for a reward. I've been trying to get a picture for our Christmas card. He actually sat for several pictures when I told him he could play with the iPad for good behavior. I can see little glimpses of maturity and it makes me so excited. I can't wait to do big kid things with him.
I would love to say that he has risen to the occasion, but resisting would be a more accurate term. He stood in front of a full bubbly bath, really wanting to go in, with his pants halfway off refusing to finish the job. It can be really frustrating, but it can also be rewarding. When he actually gets himself dressed, he looks so proud and excited. For me, I feel the most important thing I can do for him is encourage him to care for himself independently.
Potty training is another story. My buddy is not to be trusted in the bathroom. How am I supposed to make that work? He is not too thrilled about trying and I really have not pushed that hard. I don't think he is able to tell me when he has to go and the thought of taking him into a public bathroom skeeves me out.
My buddy has gotten really good at working for a reward. I've been trying to get a picture for our Christmas card. He actually sat for several pictures when I told him he could play with the iPad for good behavior. I can see little glimpses of maturity and it makes me so excited. I can't wait to do big kid things with him.
November 2, 2012
anticipation
Some days I am bummed that my buddy doesn't anticipate much. When a holiday is approaching, half the fun for me is getting excited at the good times that we are soon to have. Monkey bear and I spent weeks talking about different Halloween costumes and while I wouldn't have chosen what she did, I appreciate her ability to make the holiday her own. My buddy could care less about a costume and wasn't excited at all when we talked about Trick or Treating. Although, when he is in the moment it is magical. I guess we could all take some lessons on being present.
On Halloween, my buddy marched right up to every house, knocked on the door, stepped back to avoid getting hit by door and held out his bucket like a pro. Before leaving he gave a hearty "aaa oooooo" while signing 'Thank You'. I tried only one time to help him carry the candy bucket, but he was not letting go for anything.
Other days I appreciate the lack of anticipation. Today we went to have his blood work done. I like to tell him what is going to happen even though it doesn't seem to matter to him. My buddy is fine until we sit in the big chair and the nurses swarm in to help me hold him down. Then it could just break your heart with the "Mama" and tears streaming down his face. But a few munchkins later he's moved past the trauma.
I will be glad when the long list of doctor's appointments that come with each of his birthdays is over. Not a day goes by that I cease to be thankful that he is healthy. While I anticipate how sick he will get from the germs, he is too busy enjoying the feeling of his tongue on the bottom of his shoe to care.
On Halloween, my buddy marched right up to every house, knocked on the door, stepped back to avoid getting hit by door and held out his bucket like a pro. Before leaving he gave a hearty "aaa oooooo" while signing 'Thank You'. I tried only one time to help him carry the candy bucket, but he was not letting go for anything.
Other days I appreciate the lack of anticipation. Today we went to have his blood work done. I like to tell him what is going to happen even though it doesn't seem to matter to him. My buddy is fine until we sit in the big chair and the nurses swarm in to help me hold him down. Then it could just break your heart with the "Mama" and tears streaming down his face. But a few munchkins later he's moved past the trauma.
I will be glad when the long list of doctor's appointments that come with each of his birthdays is over. Not a day goes by that I cease to be thankful that he is healthy. While I anticipate how sick he will get from the germs, he is too busy enjoying the feeling of his tongue on the bottom of his shoe to care.
October 25, 2012
the corner
My buddy has an internal sensor that seems to know when I am at my breaking point. He then magically turns a corner and gives me a break... well as much of a break as he can. After some good advice from my mom (the retired Special Ed teacher) and some time ignoring house cleaning and focusing on my buddy, things are on the upswing.
Maybe all the talk about being a big 4 year old boy hit home. He's even used the potty twice at school. Maybe he just decided that sitting in time out stinks and getting rewarded with the iPad is a much better choice. Whatever the reason, I am grateful.
My buddy's birthdays always bring about an abundance of emotions. There is no way not to relive the first time you hear the words Down syndrome or how you had to leave him at the hospital hooked up to countless machines. I also can't help but think - now he is 4 and still can't talk. Does he even understand that it is his birthday?
He did have a nice party. We let him play the iPad and open presents whenever he wanted. He hugged every last person to say Thank You and didn't melt down once.
In unrelated news, monkey bear is coming out of her shell at school yet really craving Mommy at home. At school, monkey bear is going potty and talking and has "3 best friends". She is also crying at night because she misses me so much during the day. It breaks my heart. Growing up is so hard.
Rara is refusing to nap longer than 20 minutes and still wakes up at least twice at night. She has these totally crabby times of day where she is so tired but just can't sleep. Then she has times where she squeals with delight and rolls about the floor with pure joy in her heart. Around 6pm she hits a wall, but all she needs is to be stripped naked and set free. (Of course I have all these fears that she will have sensory issues as she grows, but that is just me being paranoid.)
So, I am still tired, but things are looking up. Some days I am like Super Mom and all three kids get bathed and those are the days I will remember.
Maybe all the talk about being a big 4 year old boy hit home. He's even used the potty twice at school. Maybe he just decided that sitting in time out stinks and getting rewarded with the iPad is a much better choice. Whatever the reason, I am grateful.
My buddy's birthdays always bring about an abundance of emotions. There is no way not to relive the first time you hear the words Down syndrome or how you had to leave him at the hospital hooked up to countless machines. I also can't help but think - now he is 4 and still can't talk. Does he even understand that it is his birthday?
He did have a nice party. We let him play the iPad and open presents whenever he wanted. He hugged every last person to say Thank You and didn't melt down once.
In unrelated news, monkey bear is coming out of her shell at school yet really craving Mommy at home. At school, monkey bear is going potty and talking and has "3 best friends". She is also crying at night because she misses me so much during the day. It breaks my heart. Growing up is so hard.
Rara is refusing to nap longer than 20 minutes and still wakes up at least twice at night. She has these totally crabby times of day where she is so tired but just can't sleep. Then she has times where she squeals with delight and rolls about the floor with pure joy in her heart. Around 6pm she hits a wall, but all she needs is to be stripped naked and set free. (Of course I have all these fears that she will have sensory issues as she grows, but that is just me being paranoid.)
So, I am still tired, but things are looking up. Some days I am like Super Mom and all three kids get bathed and those are the days I will remember.
October 14, 2012
empathy
We have an ongoing joke around here when it comes to my buddy's extra chromosome. If he's having a mischievous day, the extra chromosome is all trouble. If some super loud gas erupts, than it's all Portuguese. The reality is that extra chromosome is all empathy.
Recently, little rara has been left to cry a little in her crib to get herself to sleep. The first night, my buddy laid in front of his door and cried along with her. No matter how much I tried to convince him that she was fine and she would fall asleep soon, he didn't stop crying until she did.
My buddy may be the one that smacked you in the head with a truck, but he is the first one to give you a hug and a kiss. No matter who is upset - a perfect stranger or his baby sister - my buddy has to check it out and make sure that everyone is fine.
At least three times a day, my buddy will go around the room at random times giving everyone a hug and a kiss. He never misses a person. My buddy may not have the words to say how he feels, but a day never goes by where I doubt the immense intensity of his love for us all.
Recently, little rara has been left to cry a little in her crib to get herself to sleep. The first night, my buddy laid in front of his door and cried along with her. No matter how much I tried to convince him that she was fine and she would fall asleep soon, he didn't stop crying until she did.
My buddy may be the one that smacked you in the head with a truck, but he is the first one to give you a hug and a kiss. No matter who is upset - a perfect stranger or his baby sister - my buddy has to check it out and make sure that everyone is fine.
At least three times a day, my buddy will go around the room at random times giving everyone a hug and a kiss. He never misses a person. My buddy may not have the words to say how he feels, but a day never goes by where I doubt the immense intensity of his love for us all.
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