photography

My buddy is invited to a birthday party for one of his kindergarten classmates. It's at one of those indoor inflatable jumpy places. The whole thing just makes me a little nervous. He generally loves the bounce houses to the point where he is exhausted and you have to crawl in and pull him out kicking and screaming. The indoor places tend to be very loud with a whole lot of sensory input. My buddy will either love it or hate it. No telling which.

I also don't know what his classmates parents know about my buddy. He's in the class picture and everyone got a Valentine with his photo on it, so he shouldn't be a surprise.  I've only ever met one mom and one dad from his kindergarten. I'm not great at meeting new people and really want to make a good impression so I can start to form some local friendships.

My buddy has had a really off week at school and I have no idea why.  The party is still over a week away, so he can snap out of whatever is going on.

I've been getting more interested in photography - I love the way an image can make you feel. I aspire to take better photos. Buying a DSLR camera seemed like too big of an expense for a hobby, so I found an online course taught by a blogger I enjoy on how to take better photos with your phone. Yay! Something just for me that I can do in the little increments of time I sneak for myself. I've been enjoying it and since rara is willing (and home when the light is the best) she's been my loyal subject.

She loves to feed herself yogurt... and is surprisingly neat.


 


Rara loves her Mickey Mouse figurines and plays with them for hours at a time.



OK.  There is one other lady home with me during the day...



It may have taken me all day to figure out how to get a higher quality picture on my blog and get rid of the frame that blogger automatically put on the pictures and then write code, but I think it was worth it.  Hopefully it will get easier!

magazines

I used to love magazines. I'd check the mail and there was a shiny new magazine just bursting with ideas. I would read it cover to cover and love every bit. Then I had kids. I ran out of time and let my subscriptions die off. But then my mom found a great deal and there was that fund raiser.  Suddenly magazines are back in my life.

Now, I hate magazines. They make me feel like a terrible mom, unhealthy eater, noncrafty and generally lazy.  Not to mention the fact that none of their brilliant child centered ideas would ever work for my buddy.  Like in order to get a bit of quiet you just, "Hand your child a bell and see of he can walk across the room without making a noise.  If you hear the bell ding, he has to come back to the starting line and begin again."  HA! In my house it would be more like, "Ring bell as loud as possible while laughing hysterically and spinning in circles. When that doesn't get enough attention, hit sisters on head with bell producing louder ding and cries."

My buddy would never fall for the good ol' "tempt your picky eater with our happy face veggie bagel." If it doesn't look like something he has ever seen before then he isn't touching it. Rara would think it was fun to pull apart, but she isn't eating it either.

Why on earth would I ever want to make my own stamps so I can create one of a kind wrapping paper.  Hello?! Wrapping paper just gets thrown away.

So I will rip out some fun crafts that big sis will enjoy and I will stop feeling bad about myself and recycle the rest. And if you really want to make my life Real Simple please include a maid and/or chef with every subscription.

Now for some pictures:

just chit chatting after the others went to bed

he says "iPad head" meaning he wants to play with a blanket on his head.

snuggle time

communication

It is amazing watching a child learn how to talk. Rara's language is blossoming. It is easy, joyful and logical. She strings 2-3 words together making observations like "Dada's shirt" and "my baby". It is so cute, I have a hard time resisting her requests with that adorable little voice.

she loves when she gets her hands on a pen

Of course as I watch rara learn to talk, I realize that my buddy's struggle to communicate is so much more than just being able to say the sounds and make them into words.  I haven't been able to put my finger on exactly what it is. When you ask him a question, you are more likely to have him repeat the last word of the question than to actually answer it.  Sometimes he shouts, "Mama" and when I say, "What do you want?", he often just puts his head down unable to answer me.  Maybe my buddy thinks I know what he is thinking or that by just calling my name he will get what he wants.  I have no idea.

My buddy cannot be described as quiet but at the same time, he doesn't go out of his way to try and talk.  I can't really explain how he is.  I thought it was just a straight up delay in talking, but just like in the past, I underestimated the effect of that extra chromosome.  I don't fully understand how language progresses, but after watching rara closely, I can see that my buddy is progressing in a much different way.

I still have high hopes that one day he will be able to have full conversations with me.  Until then, I will have to try and understand him as best I can.

We've had a couple of snow days and now are in the midst of a long weekend.  Even though big sis was behaving as a teenager in the past, she's come around and we've had some fun.  We've all been enjoying spending the extra time together.  I know these days of childhood are short and some day I will look back with longing so I am really trying to embrace the time we have. 

yes, I feel as tired as I look!

little things

The big kids had an all school assembly where they paraded around, each class a different country, and had a little Olympics opening ceremony.  My buddy's kindergarten class made a little song for The Mitten story and performed.  My buddy was amazing - following right along with the other kids and doing his part perfectly.

I was sitting close to his class, so after the performance, he sat with rara and I.  The dad who was sitting next to me went on and on about how his son loves my buddy and talks about him all the time.  It was so nice to hear.  I never know what other kids think of my buddy.  I worry that my buddy is a distraction in the classroom and wonder if other kids might be upset that my buddy gets to play ball after he finishes his morning work instead of staying in his seat and practicing sight words.

Whenever my buddy gets to do something that I wouldn't allow big sis to do, she becomes upset.  I try and explain that my buddy is different than her and there are some situations he doesn't do well in so he gets to do special things. Her response every time is, "He is not different."  Guess I taught her too well.

he was an owl

the country of Sweeden

Lately I've been really inspired by a family in my home town that lost their 7 year old son.  Seems like an odd thing to be inspired by.  But this mom.  She is amazing.  She is carrying around this unimaginable grief yet she shares stories about her son so we can all feel like we knew him.  She is strong for her other two children and her husband.  She is gracious and constantly thanks others for their support.  I hope never to know that kind of grief, but if I do, may I be half as inspiring as her.

While I can't really imagine things like Newtown, I can imagine your child having a severe illness and passing away from it.  I keep their family in my thoughts and in my heart.  Every day, I hold my children just a little tighter grateful for every moment we get to spend together.

This week we had 2 snow days and a late opening .  In the past this would have sent me into a pity party, but instead we made the best of it - cooking, playing and being together.  It's never all sunshine and unicorns but we did our best to enjoy each other.

she especially loves running away when I am trying to get her dressed

Valentine fun

eating copious amounts of uncooked granola

TMNT jammies and an attempt to get a "great" picture of him

my mom channeled her inner Maria VonTrapp and made capes etc out of kids old curtains

a place to vroom trucks

unrequested hugs are the best kind

I wonder about my kids future but I also put a lot of effort into making their now happy and fulfilling.  This life we live is short.  Do something every day that makes you smile.  Take pleasure in life's little things.

my buddy

I have come to realize that I am grateful for Down syndrome.  When my buddy was born, I couldn't imagine a world where Ds would be a good thing.  I mean, over 90% of women who get the prenatal diagnosis choose to abort.  Society tells us it is not something to be excited about.  But society clearly never knew my buddy.

My buddy can be infuriating and it would be fantastic if he would stop throwing half full bowls of Cheerios in milk at me.  But he is a force to be reckoned with.  His spirit is so strong.  My buddy lives in the moment striving - and achieving - happiness.  He lives his life the way he wants and he is always 100% himself no matter the situation he finds himself in.  Of course it would be nice if he would be a slightly better behaved version of himself at school and not plop himself down when he doesn't want to do something.  But that is who he is.

how could you not love a kid who gets himself stuck in a bucket?

On Unified Sports day, he just goes to morning kindergarten.  Then we head back to school in the afternoon to pick up big sis and drop my buddy off for sports.  While we wait for big sis to come into the gym, my buddy goes around to every person, big and small, and shakes their hand giving them a hearty hello.  He thrives in Unified Sports amazing everyone with his ability to make baskets.  I know this ability well.  Ever since he could stand, he would throw toys over the baby gate right into the cat water... every time. 

I used to mourn all the things my buddy will never be.  But recently I realized that I should have celebrated all the worries I no longer need.  I don't need to worry about raising him to respect and be kind to women.  He knows no other way.  It would never occur to him to be hurtful.

I may have to endure a lifetime of him tackling me with bear hugs, but who wouldn't want that?

those are some big shoes to fill

perspective

When you hear about a parent losing a child - especially someone you knew - it really puts things into perspective.  It makes you hug your children just a little tighter.  Wait longer before you nag them again to get moving.  Focus on their smiles rather than their frowns.  Be grateful for every little moment you have together.

I've been working on gratitude this year.  I started a challenge to take a picture of one thing each day that I am grateful for.  I post them on Instagram with a hashtag just for me so I can scroll back through the photos and see the wonderful parts of my life.  It helps me complain less and appreciate more.

With my mom in town, life is easier.  The mornings are smoother and we get to school early.  I dropped off the kids at school the other morning without rara and on my way out the principal commented on how an extra set of hands can make such a difference and how I was smiling and laughing.  How do I usually look in the morning?  I can only imagine the look on my face after feeding 3 kids, packing 2 backpacks, getting 2 kids dressed and teeth brushed, breathing treatment for 1 and getting them all out the door by 8:20am.  It usually feels like I just completed a marathon.  But I don't want to be remembered as the mom who never smiled when she brought her kids to school.  I think I need to find something to be grateful for in the mornings.

Today I am grateful for all the little things...

puzzles with Nana

how excited and silly she gets waiting for big sis to get off the bus

her gentle way

snuggling all of them under a blanket

in the car with her best friend

sibling love

hug

My buddy has been fighting off another cold for the past week and a half.  Life gets hard when he gets sick.  There is a lack of sleep and increasingly demanding days.  He doesn't have the stamina for school and he is easy to upset.  I think we may be turning a corner, but you just never know with my buddy.

Big sis and I had a discussion this evening if my buddy would be able to talk.  He did something that I just didn't understand and I commented that I wasn't sure if I would ever understand him.  She said something about when he is a teenager being able to tell us why he acts the way he does.  Then she paused and said, "he will be able to talk when he is a teenager, right?"  I told her there was a chance he could never talk, but I was really confident that he will talk just fine when he is a teenager.

It's funny.  Sometimes he says very little but when he does have something to say, it comes out just right.  Daddy came back from a business trip late one night and when my buddy saw him in the morning, clear as day he said, "Dada.  Hug."

One good thing about my buddy not feeling well is the extra hugs he needs.  He's almost 50 pounds and would still love me to carry him around on my hip when he is sick.  So I get to take some breaks during the day and just rock him and hold him.

Here are a few shots from the last couple of weeks.

about as friendly as those two get with each other

Daddy was away on business and she wore his hat every day.

snuggle

always so much joy when big sis gets home from school

love that kid

thank god for the iPad to get us through the sick days

a rare moment where they all coexisted happily in the same space

she rarely lets me take her picture anymore so I have to do it on the sly

Target - my buddy seems to be restocking himself